Santa won an English quiz by writing the opposite word of:

Manchester United

Guess what he had written?
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Woman chest are Divided!

“When I have a sore throat, I always give my husband a blow job.” Sue tells her friend Carol. “The day after, it’s all better. You should try it.”

A day later Sue asked Carol is she followed her advice.

“I sure did!” grinned Carol. “And your husband couldn’t believe it was your idea!”

An American picks up a hot blonde tourist and takes her back to his place. After a round of passionate sex, he asks, “So, you finish?” She pauses for a second and frowns, “No.” Surprised, he grabs her, and they go at it again until she’s screaming with passion.

Afterward he smiles and asks, “You finish?” Once more she smiles, cuddles him, and softly says, “No.” Stunned, but damned if he’s going to leave her unsatisfied, he mounts her a third time until she’s clawing the sheets.

Exhausted, he asks again, “You finish?” Finally, the blonde whispers, “No, I’m Norwegian.”

One man calls emergency:

"Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"

After five minutes, the same man calls back:

"Don't worry, I found another one."

A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore."

"Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank." "Well excuse me, but this fuckin check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin away about my language." "Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says.

"Well then let's get the fuckin manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?" The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it."

The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin check for 15 million dollars."

The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin bitch won't help you?"

Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea.

It doesn't enhance your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft!

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline.
Have you ever used the product?"
She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex." The researcher was a little taken back, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"
The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all...my husband and I put it on the door knob and the kids can't open the door."

The minimum Area with maximum
decoration is called
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'' Girl's Face ''

Knowledge of Da Day

The woman who invented the phrase "All men are the same" was a chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China..

Girl : I am Sexually Harassed....
Boss : How ?
Grl : This Man everday comes and say your Hair Smells Nice...
Boss : What's the Problem in that ?..
Girl : He is only 3 Feet Tall..