Its All Implied

Put your girlfriend in a room & lock it...
Put your dog in another room & lock it..!
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Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you..!
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(Readers are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals..
who had now break up... and living happily with their dog.)

Management Lessons In A Little Bird’s Story!

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to revive and felt how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The Management Lessons From The Story:

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, a woman went to her grand parents' house to visit her 95 years-old grand mother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Obviously surprised, the woman told her grandmother that two people having sex when they are nearly 100 years old would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was on Sunday morning when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm, nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear and continued, "He'd still be alive today if that fire engine with it bells hadn't come along."

There was a man with four wives. He loved his fourth wife the most and took a great care of her and gave her the best.

He also loved his third wife and always wanted to show her off to his friends. However, he was always had a fear that she might runaway with some other man.

He loved his second wife too. Whenever he faced some problems, he always turned to his second wife and she would always help him out.

He did not love his first wife though she loved him deeply, was very loyal to him and took great care of him. One day the man fell very ill and knew that he is going to die soon.

He told himself, "I have four wives with me. I will take one of them along with me when I die to keep company in my death."

Thus, he asked the fourth wife to die along with him and keep company. "No way!" she replied and walked away without another word.

He asked his third wife. She said "Life is so good over here. I'm going to remarry when you die".

He then asked his second wife. She said "I'm Sorry. I can't help you this time around. At the most I can only accompany you till your grave."

By now his heart sank and he turned cold.

Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go."

The man looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the man said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"

Actually, we all have four wives in our lives.

a. The fourth wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

b. The third wife is our possession, status and wealth. When we die, they go to others.

c. The second wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The first wife is our soul, neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and pleasure. It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go.

A Moment of Silence

Today, lets spare a Moment of Silence in Honour of those children who were not born. But were...
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1. Swallowed during a Blow job.

2. Thrown away in A Condom.

3. Washed in boxers after Wet Dreams.

4. Buried in ASS adventures and

5. Lost during Masturbation.

Consider Yourself lucky to be alive.

An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy: What can you do for me?

The boy replied: come behind the PYRAMID. I will make you MUMMY.

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for w itnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him.

The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!!

The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?".

The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."

The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around. '"

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years.

On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.

The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies:

"She choked."

Desperate Needs Desperate Measures

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Its all Implied

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

Smooth Criminal

A policeman searched me in a
Nightclub toilet last night and found a small bag of weed.

"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing it down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed.

I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"

"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.

After flushing it, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then."

"What for?" I asked.

He said, "The drugs."

I said, "What drugs?"

Love Questions

Dear Love Guru,

There is this girl I love so much but I still don't know why she won't talk to me anymore. It started like this:
She posted on Facebook: "All men are dogs!"

I commented: "Which breed is your father?"

That's how the problem started. Please did I ask the wrong question?

Sincerely confused.

Saw an ad in the newspaper :

Need Accountant, 15000Rs - 20000Rs. So I called and told them the answer is -5000Rs.

Q. What's female Viagra?
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A. Jewelery

Santa calls up the doc at 2 AM. "Doc, my wife is having severe abdomen pain. I think it's her appendix."

"What nonsense!" says the doc sleepily.
"I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep."

Five minutes later, the phone rings and it's Santa again.

"Doc, I'm sure it's her appendix."

"Oh God!" the doctor groaned.

"Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?"

"No...," says Santa. "But I'm sure you must have heard of someone having a second wife..!!!!"

Its all implied..

The Judge told him, "In 20 years on the Bench, I've never heard such a Disgusting, Immoral thing. Just give me One Good Reason Why I shouldn't Lock you up & throw away the Jail Keys in the Toilet?"
The Man Replied,
"I can Give you THREE Good Reasons:

1. It's None of your Damn Business;
2. She was My Wife; and...
3. I Didn't KNOW She Was Dead, She ALWAYS Acted That Way !!!"

The Case was Dismissed & the Judge Announced the following Warnings:
For the Ladies:: PLEASE TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE ACT !!!

For the Guys: IF THERE IS NOT MUCH MOVEMENT, STOP
IMMEDIATELY & CHECK IF SHE IS ALIVE ....!!!
Case Dismissed !!!

One Riddle....But With an Answer

Once there was loving couple traveling in a bus in a mountainous area.

They decided to get down at
some lonely place. After the couple got down at some place the bus moved on. As the bus moved
on, a huge rock fell on the bus from the mountain and crushed the bus to crumbs. Everybody on board was killed. The couple upon seeing that, said, "We wish we were on that bus."
Why do you think they said that?

Scroll down for answer. It is a 100% challenge that you will have a wrong answer to the question asked in the passage...
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If they had remained on the bus instead of deciding to get down, the resulting time delay could have been avoided and the rock would have fallen after the bus had passed.

Think Positive in life always and look for opportunities when you can help others...

Mr. Bean v/s Einstein

Einstein & Mr.Bean sitting next to each other on a long flight..

Einstein says, Let's play a game..
I will ask you a question, if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500..

Einstein asks the first question : What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon..?

Mr.Bean doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket, pulls out a $5..

Now, it's Mr.Bean's turn..
He asks Einstein : What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs..?

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends..
After an hour he gives Mr.Bean $500..

Einstein going nuts and asks : Well,so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?

Mr.Bean reaches his pocket and gives Einstein 5$ !!!

Pappu texts to her girlfriend, "Do you fcuk?"
Girlfriend: Excuse me?
Pappu: Do you fcuk?
Girlfriend: Stop it, asshole!

Pappu: Stupid auto-correct in my phone, I am soooo sorry.
Girlfriend: It's OK. I'm sorry, too. What did you mean to say, anyways?

Pappu: Do you suck??!?

Mindblowing.......

1st yr MBBS students were attending their 1st anatomy class. They all gathered around the table with real dead body. The professor started the class by telling them two important qualities as a doctor. The 1st is that never be disgusted about anything regarding the body e.g. he inserted his finger in the body's ass & on drawing back, put the finger in his own mouth & tasted it. Then he told the students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the body's ass & tasted it. When everyone finished the professor looked at them & said :The most important 2nd quality is Observation. I inserted my middle finger but tasted the index finger. Now learn to pay attention...!!

All students : (x_x)! !!! !!

R.I.P 3nglish

Plz forgive me if u die laughing......... ........ .

This is an actual letter taken from the Times of India in response to a `Marriage Proposal' advertisement.

Madam, I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna . I am seeing ur advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper. So I decide to press myself on u and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.
I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna. I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School, Bezna Road.
I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly. I am playing also hardly. Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.
I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so.
I am keep fitting everyday. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing everywhere.
I am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands everyday. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.

RIP ENGLISH

All Indians are environmentalists.
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They save millions of trees by not using the toilet paper.

If you think you have a boring life ,just remember there is someone out there somewhere typing

'terms and conditions'.

Fun Politics

Manmohan Singh as PM, India Govt didn't work for last 10 years,

Manmohan Singh visits USA, US government shuts down for first time in 17 years... ;-)

Boy : Where are u? :/♥♥

GIRL: My dad asked his driver to drop me to the club, you? ;;)

BOY: I'm sitting behind you in the bus don't pay,
I have paid for you X_X:]xx=))

I never take risk while drinking
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking,

I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen,

I enter the house,

Take out the bottle from my black cupboard,

Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame,

But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk,

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink,

Quickly enjoy one peg,

Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack,

Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard,

Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile,

I peep into the kitchen,

Wife is cutting potatoes,

No one is aware of what I did,

Becoz I never take a risk,

I: Any news on Chopra's daughter's marriage,

Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky.

Still they are looking out for her
I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard,

But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle I take out the glass from the old rack above sink,

Quickly enjoy one peg,

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink,

Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard,

But still no one is aware of what I did,

Becoz I never take a risk,

I: But still I think Chopra's daughter's age is not that much,

Wife: What are you saying? She is 35 yrs old... Like an aged horse,

I: (I forgot her age is 35) Oh Oh...
I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard,

But the cupboard's place has automatically changed,

I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly,

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep
It in the black cupboard,

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did,

Becoz I never take a risk,

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Chopra a horse? If you say that again, I will cut your tongue...!

Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...

I take out the bottle from the potatoes,

Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg,

Wash the sink and keep it over the rack,

Wife is giving a smile,

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking,

But still no one is aware of what I did,

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So Chopra is marrying a horse!!

Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack,

Stove is also on the rack,

There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside,

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink,

But none of the horses are aware of what I did,

Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk,

Chopra is still cooking,

And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing,

Becoz I never take Risk ...