First Day of college..
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Boy sees a beautiful girl sitting right
next to him, & he writes on paper
"i love you, do you love me ?"
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She replies"No"
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he didn't give up, he rubs her answer & passed same paper to another girl sitting left to him. And she replies"Yes"
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Moral of the story is:
RECYCLE PAPER and save trees, save earth !

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

...A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.

An Ideal Man

The ideal man doesn't smoke,
doesn't drink,
doesn't do drugs,
doesn't swear,
doesn't get angry,
does everything his wife asks,

last but not the least
doesn't exist !!

A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'
'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.'
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'
You'll love this!!!!!!!!!)...............
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The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's Sex?"

"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets.

So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.

He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs.

Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"

And he carries on, "A couple are the two people involved in sex, but this can also be two males or two females which we call homosexual,"

And he goes on to describe masturbation, oral sex, group sex, pornography, bondage and rape, pedophilia, etc...

The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and 'Sex'?"

"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in Couple of Secs...

A woman visited her parent's home. When she opened refrigerator, she found a pic of supermodel in a bikini.

Lady : mom, what's this?

Mom : oh, I put up that pic, which reminds me, not to overeat.

Lady : is it working?

Mom : yes and no. I've lost 9 kg but your dad has gained 22 kg..

100% Hard Hitting Fact of Life:

If you earn your bread well.. There will always be people around you to apply butter..!!

Son was looking at falling stars and praying for good marks...

Father came along and said "Technology is so advanced that man has reached the moon and you searching for your luck in stars...?!!"

Son replied "Dad, don't be ridiculous you know babies can be made in test tubes also, but have you stopped trying the old way...!!!?"

Mild adult but with good message

A diary entry by a man -
Last week , my girlfriend and I were getting into bed for the first time. Well, the passion started started to heat up, and suddenly she said,
'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! Whats that?!'

She said:
'You've really not touched my emotional needs as a woman, enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep dejected.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big big departmental store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited that it could be seen through her looks and actions.

She Finally said, 'I think this is all
darling, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself and I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled look 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not part of my financial things, enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Girls will be girls..!!

Girlfriend giving house directions to her Boyfriend:

"Come to the front gate of my apartment where you drop me,
look for flat 9A,
you will find a lift on your right.
Hit 9 with your ELBOW.....
get out of the lift, you will find my flat on left....
hit the doorbell with your ELBOW & I get the door for you..."

Boyfriend says,
"Dear, that seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend,
"0MG!
Are you coming empty handed..?"

Boyfriend speechless..!!

A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming.. She told her lover to stay like robot and not to move.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: This is a robot i bought to have sex with when you are traveling...

Husband: Okay.. Lets have sex now...

Wife: No sweetheart.. Yesterday i got my period, so i will go and make a cup of coffee for you..

After she left the husband said: Damn i am so horny, i will fuck this robot...

He tried fucking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way..

"System error
Wrong hole
System error
Wrong hole.."

Husband: Damn robot is not working properly.. I am throwing it out of the window..

The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor he said:

"SOFTWARE UPDATED"
"PLEASE TRY AGAIN"

WIFE: Don't you have manners.. I am speaking for hours and you keep yawning every minute.

 HUSBAND: I am not yawning... I m trying to say something...=D=)):p