HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA :

Scenario 1 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on..
That's MUMBAI..

Scenario 2 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.. The first two get together and beat him up..
That's DELHI.

Scenario 3 : Two guys fighting and third guy comes nearby house and says "don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else."
That's BANGALORE..

Scenario 4 : Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.. A guy comes along and quietly opens a tea stall there
That's AHEMDABAD.

Scenario 5 : Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles.. Now 50 guys are fighting..
You are in PUNJAB.

Scenario 6 : Two guys fighting. Third guy comes and shoots both of them..
You are in WASSEYPUR..

Scenario 7: Two guys fighting third guy comes and start beating the weaker one...
You are in KANPUR...

Last Scenario : Two guys fighting third guy comes along with a carton of beer.. All sit together drink beer and abuse each other and go home as friends..
You are definitely in GOA...

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."

The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a congressman!"

The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!" =))

6 Negatives lines ,with positive meanings....

1. Money can't buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a cycle :D . 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name:D . 3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again/:) . 4. Many people are alive only becoz its illegal to shoot them(n). 5. Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does juice** . 6. Smoking kills, but if you don't smoke, doesn't mean you'll never die...!!

Santa and Banta are driving down the road and get pulled over by the police. The cop gets out and knocks on the window.
When they open the window, the police officer says, "We are looking for two rapists."
Santa and Banta quickly close the windows and have a heated argument.
After a few minutes, Santa rolls down his window and says to the cop, "Okay... we are ready, we'll do it !! "

A Man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman).
The Judge said " Can you give me one good reason why you did it ? "
Man - I can give 3:
1) It is none of your business.
2) She was my wife.
3) I didn't know she was DEAD. She always behaved like THIS .. When Having Sex.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50

Hand Job: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she said with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "I am."
The man replies "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

Johny kills a butterfly, Dad says no butter for 2 weeks!

Johny kills a honeybee, Dad says no honey for 2 weeks.

Mom kills a cockroach...
Johny turns to dad and says
are you gonna tell her or shall I...?? B-)