A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing! Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,

"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!":)

Height Of A True Bad Luck

A Guy & A Girl Met Last Time 4 Their Break-Up..
.
.
.
.
Girl's Father Caught Them
.
.
.
.
Now They are a Married Couple... :p :O

A Five-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's Surgery. "Why is your stomach so big?" he asks. "I'm having a baby," she replies. "Is the baby in your stomach?" he asks, with his big eyes. "Yes, it is," she says. "Is it a good baby?" he asks, with a puzzled look. "Oh, yes. A really good baby," the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?"

We live in a generation where "DELETING HISTORY" is more important than "CREATING HISTORY" =D :p X_X

Santa: I m proud on myself, My son is in Medical College in London. B )(*)
Banta: Really what is he studying?*nerd*
Santa: He is not studying, they are studying on him!:D

In '1992'

Boy : Im in love with you !
Girl : Im in a Relationship
Boy : Ok (Commits Suicide) o_O

In '2002'

Boy : Im in Love with you :|
Girl : Im in a Relationship !
Boy : Okay I will find Another
One !:p

In '2013'

Boy : Im in love with you :p
Girl : Im in a Relationship :s
Boy : Okay I will wait for your
'BREAK UP' :D

World's Thinnest Book published .... is titled "WHAT A WOMAN WANTS"
It has only 1 Page with only 1 Word
"EVERYTHING"..!!
.
See how simple Ladies are ;)
All the Major things a woman needs in her lifetime start with the letter "M". Man. Money. . Makeup. Mercedes. Movies. , mall.
Last but not the least. And most important.
....
....
Maid :=))

It Doesn't matter how old you grow up, You'll always get disappointed if your biscuit falls in the tea.=D =))

Mom called me and said she is coming tomorrow. Her train will reach by morning 4:00 o'clock.

Wife: What !!! She came just 4 months back only, right? Why is she coming now again..? Tomorrow is Sunday. I thought of getting up late but your mom had to come on a Sunday itself and that too morning 4:00 o'clock. Where will she get an auto at that time? I will not make any warm breakfast...she will have to do with biscuits and bread. The kids will also not go to play as she spoils them by getting chocolates, toffees and pastries for them. How many days is she going to stay..????

Husband: Not my mom, your mom is coming !!!!

Wife: Wow!!...Really!! Great mom is coming. It's been more than 2 months I have seen her. Listen na..I have the number of the auto driver...please call him and tell him to reach the station on time tomorrow morning. It's good tomorrow is Sunday, I will get up early and make breakfast of upma and idli. She will get cakes and cookies for the kids and they will play and enjoy with their grandmother. Hope she stays for a fortnight. You can't beat that !!!!!

SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH. AND TO ANY WOMAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT :)

You are born original,
don't die as a copy..

Dont care if someone doesnt like You, you were not put on earth to please anyone..

Life is to express yourself not to impress anyone..!

"I used to wonder why there were evil people in the world. Then I realised that good people need an example of what NOT to be."

Q: Why do 90 percent of women believe in ghosts?

A: Because they've seen how fast men disappear after sex!!

The Smart Husband

Once Mom asked:

Whom do you Love more?
Me or your Wife?

Husband replied: I don't know..
but your Love makes me forget my Wife
&
Her Love & care reminds me of You!

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife came up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation
he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?” He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my
costume to, sure had a real good time!”

Amazing puzzle
Priya is 21 years older than her son Raju. In 6 years from now, Priya will be 5 times as old as Raju.
Question : Where is Priya's husband?
(There is a mathematical solution for this. Try it before scrolling down)

Solution :
Priya (MOM =M) is 21 years older than Raju
(Child = C).
M = C + 21
In 6 years from now, Mom will be 5 times as old as her Child.
M + 6 = ( C + 6 ) x 5
C + 21 + 6 = ( C + 6) x 5
C + 27 = 5C + 30
-3 = 4C
C = -3/4
The child is -3/4 years old, that is, -9 months Child will be born in 9 months.
So, right now, Priya's Husband is..

ON TOP OF HER...

This one is a killer.

Santa won an English quiz by writing the opposite of
"Manchester United"

Guess what he wrote?

"Woman chest r divided"=))

A man is stopped by the police at mid night & asked where he's going.

"I am going to listen to a lecture on effects of alcohol & drug abuse on the human body"

The policeman asks,'really? And who's going to give that lecture at this time of night?'

'My wife' comes the reply!!!!:p =D =))

7 Types of Girls

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...

1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Girls:
Forgets about you the moment you turn her
off.

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:
Just for looking.

4. INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.

5. SERVER Girls:
Always busy when needed.

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called'WIFE'

once enters in your system don't leave even after format.:D :p

Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes...>=) X_X *nerd* (y) =D
=))

What is tension??

A good looking girl asks you for a lift...
.
On way, she goes unconcious...
.
You take her to the hospital....
.
Doctor says :-
'Congratulations, you're going to be a father'..

Here comes the tension............
.
You say, I am not the father
.
Girl says, you are only the father.
.
More tension!........
.
Police came and did the medical check up.......
.
Report came, you can never be a father....
.
Even more tension!...
.
You thank god, and came out....
.
Then it struck you, whose two kids are at home??!?
.
.
REAL TENSION....

EPIC Joke nearing to reality*

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous girl in a bar." "What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her over to my place to have dinner and drink. We had dinner with a couple of drinks then she suddenly asked me to make her feel special" "You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.
"Then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."
"Really? You got a new laptop? What
configuration?"
"It's a 8 GB RAM, 3 Ghz Intel i7 3rd gen processor, 1 TB SATA Hdd 7200 RPM, 16'LED capacitive. screen, Windows 8 pro,NVIDIA GT graphic card with 2GB dedicated ram latest dual layer blueray drive and mobile internet connectivity card and....."

"Awesome laptop man!
Show it to me man..Chal bye Aur Haan kal pakka laptop le ke aana..!

FUNNY ULTIMATE TRUTHS

1. Whenever I Find The Key To Success,
Someone Changes The Lock.

2. The Road To Success Is Always Under Construction ;)

3. In Order To Get A Loan,
You First Need To Prove That You Don't Need It :p

4. All The Desirable Things In Life Are Either Illegal, Expensive Or Married :p

5. Once You Have Bought Something, You Will Find The Same Item Being Sold Somewhere Else At A Cheaper Rate :D

Enjoy Life ! :)

Boss : There are 50 bricks on an airplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?

Employee : That's easy,49.

Boss : What are the 3 steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge

Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.

Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Employee : She jst crosses it because the crocodiles Are at the lion's birthday

Boss : Last question.
In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Employee : Er .I guess she drowned?

Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane.
You may leave now..

Moral: No matter how much you prepare, if the boss wanna fuck you up, anyhow he will...

A Jamaican man went into a store and picked up a bottle of juice and a bag of sugar and only paid for the juice and walked out.
He got arrested for stealing the sugar and when he went to court the judge asked him why he steal the sugar?
Then he replied.
Yuh Honor … Mi nah thief no sugar ……mi look pon de back ah di juice and... it said sugar FREE.=D

On Womens Day Special...

All the Major things a Woman needs in her
lifetime start with the letter "M".
Man
Money
Makeup
Mercedes
Movies
Masti
Mall
Maggi
Last but not the least and most important...
....
....
Maid =))

Define the term ... 'Moron'

A moron is someone who visits ice cream parlour instead of chemist when his girlfriend says "I love chocolate flavour..!"

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room.
A little girl was softly sobbing "Why are you crying?" asked the little boy
"I'm here for blood test, and they're going to cut my finger" said the girl when he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are u crying?" Asked the girl
The boy looked at her worriedly and
said, "I'm here for a urine test..!"

Women's Day Special..!!
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws.." =D =))

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day..
30,000 to a man's 15,000.. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me, God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!!"
Men are not equipped for these kind of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the MASTERPIECE..

Feel eternally YOUNG, FREE and STRONG..

Celebrate the power of being a WOMEN..

Happy Women's Day :)
Respect O:)

A lawyer came home after having sex in his car. The girl forgot her bra and panty in the car. The wife found them, tore them up and shouted: "You dirty bastard!!! You have been screwing ur secretary." Without blinking an eyelid, the lawyer shouted back: "Bitch!! You have just destroyed the only evidence of a high profile rape case I have been working on. You can now forget abt that diamond necklace u were asking for!".
The wife fell to her knees, crying & trying 2 repair the torn pieces & the lawyer walked away smiling...

Moral: Start studying LAW.

A parrot swallows a viagra tablet.  His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. After 20 minutes, he opens the freezer to see the parrot sweating. "why r u sweating?", he asks. The Parrot replies,"Do you know how fucking hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken!?"