Once an army major posted in
remote area.
.
He saw camel in da army camp.
He asked soldier.
.
Soldier said- sir we use it when
we are sexualy frustated.
… .
One night Major got sexualy
frustated.
.
He ordered the soldier to get the camel and bring a stool.
Soldier did the same.
.
Major started fucking the camel with help of stool.
.
After fuking he proudly asked the soldier- this is the way you use it.
.
Soldier replied- no sir, we ride
The camel to next village where
prostitutes live…
Friday, December 21, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Once a Girl Went to An Electronic Shop With Anger
&
Threw Her New Laptop On The Desk At A Person From Whom He Bought.
.
.
She Told The Salesman That You Have Cheated Me, I Cannot Transfer File From My Previous
Laptop..!!
.
.
Salesman : Madam, Can You Please Try In Front Of Me..??
.
This Is What She Did :
.
1) Right Clicked The Mouse On The File Which She Wanted To Transfer & Selected CUT Option.
.
.
2) Disconnected The Mouse From That PC.
.
.
3) Took That Mouse Carefully & Connected It To The Other PC Where She Wanted To Copy That File. .
.
.
4) Right Clicked The Mouse & Selected The PASTE Option.
.
Salesman DIED..! :P
Dis is really interesting
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are wittren,the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in rghit pclae.The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Interesting naa?
Wife says to husband:
W: Come help in the garden.
Husband: Who do u think I am?a gardener?
W:Come fix the toilet faucet.
H:Who do u think I am?a plumber?
W:Come fix the door handle.
H:Who do u think I am?a carpenter?
The husband went out....but when he came back,he saw that everything is fixed...the garden...toilet faucet...& the door handle. He asked his wife who had done it?
The wife said its the neighbor's son,but he gave me 2 options...
Either to make him a hamburger or to sleep with him...
Husband:I'm sure,you gave him a
hamburger!!
Wife:What do u think I am??
Mc Donalds?
Friday, December 14, 2012
What is Vicious Circle???
The boss calls his secretary & says:
"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."
The secretary calls husband & says:
"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so take care of yourself"
The husband calls his mistress & says:
"My wife is going on a business trip come home we can have fun"
The mistress calls the boy to whom she gives tuition: "No tuition this weekend."
The boy calls his grand father:
"Grandpa at last we can spend this weekend together."
Grandpa (The boss) calls his secretary & says: "Business trip is canceled.
I'm going to spend weekend with my grandson"
The secretary calls husband:
"I won't be going"
The husband calls his mistress:
"I am sorry My wife is not going "
The mistress calls boy:
"You have tuition"
Boy calls his grandpa & says:
"Sorry grandpa I've classes"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The grandpa calls secretary &... :P :P
"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."
The secretary calls husband & says:
"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so take care of yourself"
The husband calls his mistress & says:
"My wife is going on a business trip come home we can have fun"
The mistress calls the boy to whom she gives tuition: "No tuition this weekend."
The boy calls his grand father:
"Grandpa at last we can spend this weekend together."
Grandpa (The boss) calls his secretary & says: "Business trip is canceled.
I'm going to spend weekend with my grandson"
The secretary calls husband:
"I won't be going"
The husband calls his mistress:
"I am sorry My wife is not going "
The mistress calls boy:
"You have tuition"
Boy calls his grandpa & says:
"Sorry grandpa I've classes"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The grandpa calls secretary &... :P :P
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
A Couple, Suresh and Reeta Sharma,in the US.,
were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start
their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, he kissed her and said, ' I'm going to office. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, he kissed her and said, ' I'm going to office. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he
said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' She cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Do you know Babies are my Speciality?'
'Well that's what I hope. Please do come in!'
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Oh, no need to explain,' She cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Do you know Babies are my Speciality?'
'Well that's what I hope. Please do come in!'
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
Whose Guilty?
Wife and Husband sleeping together..
Wife screams "getup and run, my husband's home..!" in her sleep,
Husband got up and jumped out of the window..!!
Wife screams "getup and run, my husband's home..!" in her sleep,
Husband got up and jumped out of the window..!!
Askhole
A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them...
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight.
Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.
The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"
And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
One of the best Post ever:
.
.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.
It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.
Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says;
“So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you
completely. This must be a sign from God!
The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it
back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."
Adam ate the apple again !=D
Men will NEVER learn !
Women will Never change!!! =D
Sunday, December 9, 2012
One of the most hilarious msgs I've ever come across!! =))
Santa buys a brand new sportscar and his first day driving he cuts off a truck. The truck driver is furious at his driving and decides to
pull him over and teach him a lesson. He pulls him over and when he stops he gets out of the truck with a piece of chalk and a
knife, draws a circle on the road and tells the frightened Santa to stand in the circle,
then proceeds to cut up his nice leather seats. Thinking he had done enuff he turns around to find Santa smiling. Even more angry he returns to his truck and gets a baseball bat out and smashes all the windows and lights. When he looks again at Santa he is giggling.
Starting to rage now, the truckie drops the bat and slashes all his tyres to which he bursts out laughing.
Well, the truckie finally loses it, gets a can of petrol from the truck, pours it all over the brand new sports car and sets it on fire.
When he turns around to see Santa's reaction, he is nearly falling over with fits of laughter.
Mystified, the trucker asks " what the hell is so funny ???"
Santa replied, " while you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle four times !!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The
bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've
ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the
bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man
next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The
man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go
on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Politicians lie..
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians. A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck.
He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them.
"Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff.
"Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how these politicians lie."
Sunday, December 2, 2012
It's dark in here, isn't it?
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"
the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"
the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
Scared Enough?
A Taxi Passenger Touched The Driver On The Shoulder To Ask Him a Question.
The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit a Bus, Went Up On The Footpath & Stopped Few Centimeters Far From a Shop Window.
4 a Second, Everything Went Quiet In The Cab. Then, The Driver Said:
The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit a Bus, Went Up On The Footpath & Stopped Few Centimeters Far From a Shop Window.
4 a Second, Everything Went Quiet In The Cab. Then, The Driver Said:
"Look Buddy! Don't Ever Do That Again, u Scared Me.
The Passenger Apologized And Said: "I Didn't Realize That a Little Touch Would Scare You SoMuch...
Driver Replied: "Sorry, It's Not Really Your Fault. Today Is my 1st Day As a Cab Driver. I've Been
Driving a Van Carrying Dead Bodies Frm The Last 25 Years.
The Passenger Apologized And Said: "I Didn't Realize That a Little Touch Would Scare You SoMuch...
Driver Replied: "Sorry, It's Not Really Your Fault. Today Is my 1st Day As a Cab Driver. I've Been
Driving a Van Carrying Dead Bodies Frm The Last 25 Years.
The Greatest Mystery Ever.. :O
A Must Must Must Read For Everyone...
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is driving down the road & breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, & says, "My car broke down. Do u think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You are not a monk'.". The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway & goes away. Some years later, d same man breaks down in front of d same monastery D monks again accept him. That night, he hears d same strange sound that he had heard yrs earlier. D next morning, he asks what d sound was, but d monks reply, "v can't tell u. U're not a monk". D man says, " I'm dying to know. If d only way I can find out what that sound was, is 2 become a monk, how do I becum a monk?". D monks reply, "U must travel d earth & tell us how many blades of grass der r & d exact number of sand pebbles". D man sets bout his task.
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is driving down the road & breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, & says, "My car broke down. Do u think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You are not a monk'.". The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway & goes away. Some years later, d same man breaks down in front of d same monastery D monks again accept him. That night, he hears d same strange sound that he had heard yrs earlier. D next morning, he asks what d sound was, but d monks reply, "v can't tell u. U're not a monk". D man says, " I'm dying to know. If d only way I can find out what that sound was, is 2 become a monk, how do I becum a monk?". D monks reply, "U must travel d earth & tell us how many blades of grass der r & d exact number of sand pebbles". D man sets bout his task.
An Irishman, a Mexican and Santa were sitting down at the parapet of the 20 story building they were working on. Irishman opened his lunch, and said: " corned beef! If I get corned beef one more time I'll jump off this building!".
Mexican opened his lunch, and said:" burritos! If I get burritos one more time I'll jump too!".
Santa then opened his lunch, and said:"
AlooParantha! If I get it one more time I'll jump too .".
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch,
saw corned beef, then jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw burritos, and jumped to his death.
Then our Santa opened his lunch, saw Parantha, and jumped to his death.
At their funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping: " If I knew he was tired of corned
beef, I could've given him something else!".
The mexican's wife was also crying:" I
could've given him enchiladas, if I knew he
hated burritos!".
Everyone looked at the Santa's wife.
She said: " don't look at me. The idiot makes
his own lunch!"
Santa then opened his lunch, and said:"
AlooParantha! If I get it one more time I'll jump too .".
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch,
saw corned beef, then jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw burritos, and jumped to his death.
Then our Santa opened his lunch, saw Parantha, and jumped to his death.
At their funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping: " If I knew he was tired of corned
beef, I could've given him something else!".
The mexican's wife was also crying:" I
could've given him enchiladas, if I knew he
hated burritos!".
Everyone looked at the Santa's wife.
She said: " don't look at me. The idiot makes
his own lunch!"
First joke on Santa's Wife...
A plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when
Gurpreet in economy class gets up, and
moves to the first class section and sits
down. The flight attendant watches her do
this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells
Gurpreet that she paid for economy class,
and that she will have to sit in the back.
Gurpreet replies, "I’m Santa's wife, I’m
beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m
staying right here."
the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and
tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is
Santa's wife sitting in first class, that belongs
in economy, and won't move back to her
seat.
The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries
to explain that because she only paid for
economy she will have to leave and return to
her seat. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Great Santa's
wife, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh
and I’m staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably
should have the police waiting when they
land to arrest her who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she is Santa's wife?
I'll handle this; I’m married to a her siblings.
I speak her language too."
He goes back to Gurpreet and whispers in
her ear, and she says, "oh, I’m sorry." and
gets up and goes back to her seat in
economy..
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed
and asked him what he said to make her
move without any fuss.
"I told her, "first class isn't going to
Chandigarh."X_X
Types of Shits
Ghost tatti (s h i t ) : The kind where you feel the tatti come out, but there is no tatti in the toilet.
Clean tatti : The kind where you tatti it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet tatti : The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you wont ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave tatti : This happens when youre done tatti-ing and youve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to tatti some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-tatti : The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy tatti : Its so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker tatti : The kind of tatti you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log tatti : The kind of tatti that is so huge youre afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn tatti : Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-tatti tatti : The kind where you want to tatti but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap tatti : Thats where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks tatti (The Power Dump) : The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
Liquid tatti : The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican tatti : It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Surprise tatti : Youre not even at the toilet because you are sure youre about to fart, but oops.......a tatti!!!
The Dangling tatti : This tatti refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done tatti-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
Two drunks visit a brothel, the madam looks
at them & tells her manager:
"go & put inflatable (balloon type) dolls in
the bed rooms, they r too drunk 2 notice"
during walk 2 home, 1st man says:
"I think my girl was dead, she never moved
or made a sound"
2nd guy says:
"could b worse, I think mine was a witch"
1st: "why would u say that?"
2nd: "wel I gave her a litle bite on her ass,
she farted on my face and flew out of
window... =D =)) =D
Horse & chicken were frnds.
1day horse fell in 2 a hole. Chicken called a
farmer who used his Audi Q7 Quattro 2 lift d
horse. , den 1 day d chicken fell into d hole.
The horse lowered his dick & pulled d
chicken out.
Moral of d story - If U have a horse's dick, U
don't need an Audi to pick up chicks .....(y)
>=)
Height of Miscommunication !!!!!!
Jokes of the Weekend:
.
.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a depleted old boat.
It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael.
She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feelterrible."
Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no.
In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten Old thing right from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow.
The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
The old lady fainted!!
.
.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a depleted old boat.
It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael.
She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feelterrible."
Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no.
In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten Old thing right from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow.
The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
The old lady fainted!!
Little John cums to school daily with a black
eye.
Teacher:
What's wrong?
Johnny:
Our house is very small. Me, mom, dad all
sleep on the same bed.
Every nite dad asks:
'Johnny, U sleeping?'
I say 'No'. He slaps my face & gives me black
eye.
Teacher:
Tonight when Ur dad asks again, keep dead
quiet & don't answer.
Following morning Johnny cums with severe
black eye again.
Teacher:
My goodness! Why again?
Little John: Dad asked me & I kept dead still.
Then dad & mom started moving. Mom was
breathing erratically, kicking her legs up and
squealing loud on the bed. Then dad asked
my mom
"Are U coming?"
Mom said "Yes i'm, Are U coming too?"
Dad replied "Ya me too"
They usually don't go anywhere without me
so I said "Wait for me! I'm coming too."
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a
healing service on the television.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be
healed to go to their television set, place one
hand on the TV and the other hand on the
body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the
television set, placed her right hand on the
set and her left hand on her arthritic
shoulder that was causing her to have great
pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed
his right hand on the set and his left hand on
his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, 'I guess
you just don't get it. The purpose of doing
this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead. =))
Saturday, December 1, 2012
A pencil maker told five important lessons:
1. Everything you do will always leave a mark.
2. You can always correct the mistakes you've made.
3. What is important is what is inside you.
4. You have to undergo painful sharpening which will make you a better pencil.
5. To be the best pencil, you must allow to be held and guided by the HAND that holds you.
1. Everything you do will always leave a mark.
2. You can always correct the mistakes you've made.
3. What is important is what is inside you.
4. You have to undergo painful sharpening which will make you a better pencil.
5. To be the best pencil, you must allow to be held and guided by the HAND that holds you.
In a Bar,
a man attended a phone-call:
Hello! Yes Honey.
Wife: Darling, I'am in a shopping mall. Shall I buy Jewellery worth Rs. 1 LAKH?
Man: Sure Honey.
Wife: 1 Silk-Saree worth Rs. 20000 dear, shall I?
a man attended a phone-call:
Hello! Yes Honey.
Wife: Darling, I'am in a shopping mall. Shall I buy Jewellery worth Rs. 1 LAKH?
Man: Sure Honey.
Wife: 1 Silk-Saree worth Rs. 20000 dear, shall I?
Man: One saree not enough honey, take 1 more.
Wife: Ok dear, I have your credit-card. Shall I use now?
Man: Sure, with pleasure.
All friends asked him after he put down his mobile: U love ur wife dis much?
Man: "EXCUSE ME, WHO's MOBILE IS THIS"?.
Wife: Ok dear, I have your credit-card. Shall I use now?
Man: Sure, with pleasure.
All friends asked him after he put down his mobile: U love ur wife dis much?
Man: "EXCUSE ME, WHO's MOBILE IS THIS"?.
Poor Groom;)
The bride kissed her father and placed some
thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to
the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued.....
"My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except......
the poor Groom!!=D
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued.....
"My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except......
the poor Groom!!=D
Smart Husband
I sent a text to my
wife last night, "Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and
wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish
before I return."
I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
She text back,"Omg really?"
I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."
I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
She text back,"Omg really?"
I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."
!! NICE THOUGHT !!
"TAKE IT EASY"
is a Concept of Common People
But,
"MAKE IT EASY"
is a Concept of Brilliant People.!!!!
is a Concept of Common People
But,
"MAKE IT EASY"
is a Concept of Brilliant People.!!!!
Wait a Second!!
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
True Story
Boys insult each other, but they really don't mean it.
Girls complement each other, but they don't mean it either.
Girls complement each other, but they don't mean it either.
Announcement In University
The principle made an announcement in the university:
"The Students Who Have Parked Their Cars On The Driveway, Please Move Them"
Another Announcement After 20 Minutes:
"The 200 Students Who Went To Move 9 Cars Please Return To Their Respective Classes"
"The Students Who Have Parked Their Cars On The Driveway, Please Move Them"
Another Announcement After 20 Minutes:
"The 200 Students Who Went To Move 9 Cars Please Return To Their Respective Classes"
A woman whose husband often came home drunk
decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a
devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
How Many GFs????
Wife 2 Husband: Did u Have any GF before marriage ?
Husband remains silent ?
Wife: what is the meaning of silence?
Husband: Wait.. let me count...
Husband remains silent ?
Wife: what is the meaning of silence?
Husband: Wait.. let me count...
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
THE END
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
THE END
Irritation at Its Best
Police : Where Do You Live?
Me : With My Parents.
Police : Where Do Your Parents Live?
Me : With Me.
Police : Where Do You All Live?
Me : Together.
Police : Where Is Your House?
Me : Next To My Neighbors House.
Police : Where Is Your Neighbors House?
Me: If I Tell You , You Won't Believe Me.
Police : Tell Me.
Me : Next To Mine.
Me : With My Parents.
Police : Where Do Your Parents Live?
Me : With Me.
Police : Where Do You All Live?
Me : Together.
Police : Where Is Your House?
Me : Next To My Neighbors House.
Police : Where Is Your Neighbors House?
Me: If I Tell You , You Won't Believe Me.
Police : Tell Me.
Me : Next To Mine.
Male Logic vs. Female Intent
*Milk and eggs*
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
A Msg From Rajnikanth....
This message is sent by Rajnikant
(In the interest of humanity ):
"Guys plz stop making jokes on me
" Otherwise, I will delete the INTERNET" :p :D :x
(In the interest of humanity ):
"Guys plz stop making jokes on me
" Otherwise, I will delete the INTERNET" :p :D :x
Killing English
1. Principal To Student..." I Saw U
Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling
Cigarette... ? "
2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The
Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"
3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going
Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling
Cigarette... ? "
2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The
Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"
3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going
Out Of The World To America.."
4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY
BACK.."
5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be
Fallen Down.....
6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When
The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch
The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem.
And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not
Oning" (Ing Form Of On)
7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write
Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!
8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is
Revolving Around College"
9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am
Madhu, Married With Two Kids"
10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"
11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK
AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us...
"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My
Daughter"
13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially
Mother And Father
14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys
Outside When I Am In The Class?!"
15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend
Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You
Understand. Computer How Understand??
16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The
Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep
Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"
17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So Loudly
I Will Stand Uping U"
18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit
Outside, The Understand
4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY
BACK.."
5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be
Fallen Down.....
6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When
The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch
The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem.
And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not
Oning" (Ing Form Of On)
7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write
Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!
8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is
Revolving Around College"
9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am
Madhu, Married With Two Kids"
10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"
11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK
AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us...
"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My
Daughter"
13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially
Mother And Father
14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys
Outside When I Am In The Class?!"
15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend
Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You
Understand. Computer How Understand??
16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The
Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep
Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"
17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So Loudly
I Will Stand Uping U"
18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit
Outside, The Understand
The Mobile Phone Law
How many SECRETS hidden in your mobile is directly proportional to..
.
.
.
.
.
,
.
How QUICKLY you snatch it back when someone takes it..
.
.
.
.
.
,
.
How QUICKLY you snatch it back when someone takes it..
The Call Theorm
The longer you stare at phone before picking the call
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bigger the lie you tell after picking it up
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bigger the lie you tell after picking it up
My Attitude..
A Girl proposed to me.
And I said:
.
.
.
.
.
And I said:
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Sorry, I won't accept your proposal,
But I appreciate your selection !"
"Sorry, I won't accept your proposal,
But I appreciate your selection !"
Hard Fact About Youngsters
"They are always busy watching the desktop wallpaper.. whenever their parents enter their room...(O.O)"
BEFORE MARRIAGE:
Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!
AFTER MARRIAGE:
read from bottom to top.
read from bottom to top.
Height of KAMINAPAN :D
Girl: Will you love me after marriage also .....??
.
.
Boy: This depends on your
husband, if he allows
me...:P ;) =D:D
.
Boy: This depends on your
husband, if he allows
me...:P ;) =D:D
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor
when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that
many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cre
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cre
am."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
Why Do Dogs Lift Their One Leg While Peeing?
Theres a story behind it...
Once while peeing, a wall fell over a dog, and the dog died...
Hence, from that day onwards, dogs started to give SUPPORT to the wall with one leg while peeing...
Once while peeing, a wall fell over a dog, and the dog died...
Hence, from that day onwards, dogs started to give SUPPORT to the wall with one leg while peeing...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!
We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!! Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!!You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!!
Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving"
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!
We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!! Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!!You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!!
Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving"
An English professor wrote the words:
“A woman without her man is nothing”
on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...
All of the males in the class wrote:
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
“A woman without her man is nothing”
on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...
All of the males in the class wrote:
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote:
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful!!
:D :D :D
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful!!
:D :D :D
Awesome Answers
"1- Principal: Are You Chewing Gum?
Student: No, I'm Human Being..!!
.
2- Wife: We Are Having Mother For Dinner
Tonight.
Husband: But Darling, I'm Vegetarian..!!
How Can I Eat Her??
Student: No, I'm Human Being..!!
.
2- Wife: We Are Having Mother For Dinner
Tonight.
Husband: But Darling, I'm Vegetarian..!!
How Can I Eat Her??
.
3- Will These Stairs Take Me To The 2nd
Floor?
No, You'll Have To Walk As Well..!!
.
4- Girl: I Have Changed My Mind..!!
Boy: Thank God, But Does The New One
Works? ;) x) :P :D"
3- Will These Stairs Take Me To The 2nd
Floor?
No, You'll Have To Walk As Well..!!
.
4- Girl: I Have Changed My Mind..!!
Boy: Thank God, But Does The New One
Works? ;) x) :P :D"
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