A bird was disturbing a girl all the
time.
Finally she caught it & decided to
kill it cruelly.
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She took it to the top of a building
& dropped it.
"After all Girls are so
intelligent".. :P

Relationships fail greatly cause....
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Girls watch romantic movies & want their love life to be the same

Guys watch porn & want their love life to be the same X_X

A real girl isn't perfect,
but a perfect girl isn't real too.

At midnight in a hospital, inside a lift, there was a nurse & a girl.They were passing thru 3rd floor which was a mortuary.
Suddenly d door of d lift opens. They saw a boy rushing 2 get inside.
d nurse was frightened & closed d lift immediately.
The girl got curious & asked the nurse: R u okay & why did u do that?
Nurse: I know him. He is 1 of our patients who died yesterday. Did u see that red tag on his wrist. We put red tag on dead patients..

In the dim light of lift the girl suddenly raised her wrist &asked smiling, Do u mean dis red tag?
& the lights went off...

85 yr old Virgin lady wanted her grave stone to be wrriten as ''born virgin lived virgin died virgin''.

The sculptor shortened it To 'PARCEL RETURNED UN0PENED'

SPACING ERROR

A secretary got an expensive PEN as birthday gift from her boss.
She sent her boss a 'Thank You' via SMS. The wife read the text and angrily shows her husband the message:

"Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. Thank you Sir".

An 8 year old kid was accused for rape.
The female lawyer holds the kid's penis and says to the judge:
"How can this rape someone??"
The kid leans towards the lawyer and says in a clam and soothing voice...

"Baby stop shaking it or you'll lose the case...!!"

Mind Your Own Business

A middle aged Man to a smoking Kid :-

"you should not smoke. It's dangerous for your health"

Kid : My Grandpaa lived for 100 years.

Man : did He smoked?

Kid : No, He used to mind his own business.:D=D =))

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase
"Thanks for coming" >=)

Horror @ its best

Husband kills his unfaithful wife while their 5 yr old son was still sleeping. The weird thing was that d kid didn't ask for his mom even 3 days after she went missing.
Father: Is there something u want to ask me?
Kid: I just wonder y mom is always standing BEHIND U??=)) X_X

Best line said by a boy to a girl during a fight
"if you ever want to commit suicide, just jump from your Ego level to your IQ level"=))

Whats The Difference Between Chocolate & Birth Control Pills?

Whats The Difference Between Chocolate & Birth Control Pills?

Small girls eat chocolate and mess around...

Big girls mess around and eat the birth control pills...

A prostitute married her pimp..

A prostitute married her pimp,

Someone asked her, what work your husband do?

Prostitute:
He is,
.
.
Director of Sales & Marketing of my
Hole sale Business...!

Heights of Being Asshole

Boy called FM radio & said,
" I found a wallet with 15000 Bucks & ID of James Galleon."
RJ: U want 2 return his wallet?
Boy: No, I want 2 dedicate him a SAD song...=))

Husbands V/S Wives

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))

Turn Around

Two sex hungry couples are having sex..
 after having sex for 4 hours the husband suddenly stops..

Wife: What happened? Done already???

Husband: No darling... NOW TURN AROUND..!!!

Not My Husband

A TOTAL WTF JOKE:
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3 LADIES in a Gym.
A MAN runs naked covering his face,
All three ladies are looking between his legs

1st -
He's NOT my HUSBAND

2nd -
Ya He's NOT your HUSBAND

3rd -
HE's NOT even a Member of this Gym X_X

Wheres the Got damn Remote??

Man in bed slides his hands across her shoulder,
under her neck,
under her back and stops suddenly.

Wife gasps: what happened. You can go ahead.

Husband: I got the Remote, you can sleep..;-P

Fuck Poem

Fuck is good,
Fuck is funny,
Lots of people Fuck for money,
So if you think that Fuck is funny,
Then Fuck yourself and save your money...;)

Naughty Santa..;-)

A Small Boy Wrote A Letter To Santa Claus on Christmas “Send Me A Brother”

Santa Wrote Back “First Send Me Your Mother“

Sex Poem

Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boys do the thing,
Girls get the blame,
1 Night in pleasure,
9 Months of pain,
1 Day in hospital,
And the baby needs a name...

Ladies First...

Lovers decided to commit Suicide...
boy jumped first..:(
Girl didnt jump:/

From that day started the concept of
.

.

.

Ladies First.. ;)

Teacher-
If a girl is unconscious,
Give her a lip-lock,
Blow air in her lungs,
Keep on pressing chest with both hands.

Any Question?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Student:
How to make her unconscious?

Why girls don’t keep mobile in T-shirt pocket?

Why girls don’t keep mobile in T-shirt pocket?

Bcoz of 2 reasons….

1. Vibration may change Milk into Curd.
2. Network coverage is not found in Hilly areas.

Newly wed wife to her husband: Honey see, its been 24 hours since our wedding...

Husband: (After having a deep sigh..) Ya it seems like it was just YESTERDAY..!! *_*

Make a Word

At college, male & female students were told to individually write a sentence using both the words 'sex' and 'love.'

Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, then it is spiritually and morally acceptable to society that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one another.

Men wrote : 'I love sex' (As simple as that..!!)=))

Foreigner meets Santa and greets,
" How Do U do ? "
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Santa - "Its very personal.!
I cannot tell you.!" :p=D =)) X_X

Laziest Quote Ever!!

"If there was an award for laziness, I'd probably send someone to pick it up for me..." :p

1st Kid: My mom is a magician... whenever she kisses my dad's penis, it gets bigger...!!

2nd Kid: HUH!! Thats nothing..!! My mom can make its disappear just by sitting on it..!!

Santa was feeling HAPPY. .


After 10mins. . .

HAPPY slapped him . . . =D =)) X_X>=)

1st call girl: I think a customer is near..

2nd call girl: How do you know?

1st call girl: Coz I can smell his dick already.. :-P

2nd call girl: Ohh THAT!! I just BURPED.. excuse me...!!

A little kid asks their maid: Why were you putting daddy's "DING DONG" in your mouth?


Epic Answer By Maid....

"I... I was... mmmmm. I was.... aammm... (o_O)....mmmmm
.
.
.
I WAS CLEANING IT FOR YOUR MOM...!!!

Kid:
I heard praying noises from daddy's room.
Mom:
Its good to pray my boy...
Kid:
Well, daddy was quite, but his secretary was shouting,
'OH GOD, OH GOD' .. ;)

Epic One:
.
.
.
Beggars Nowadays!

People were waiting for the bus at a bus stop during heavy rain.

In the mean time,

a beggar came,

begged money from all,

Hired a Taxi and went Home..

True Fact:
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Good girls are Bad Girls that never get
caught.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.

When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.

When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.

When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."

Why do married men gain weight??

Bachelors go to fridge, see nothing interesting, go to bed.

Married men go to bed, see nothing interesting, go to fridge !! =))

Woman's brain is divided in two parts , the right and the left. ....
In right, nothing is left and in the left, nothing is right..!!

That awkward moment when your parents take your joke completely seriously & you end up getting a lecture. :P

Girlfriend Called her Boyfriend:

GF:
Honey where are you?

BF:
I'm at the bank.

GF:
Dear, please I need 3000 bucks to activate my blackberry, 5000 to do my hair and 10,000 to buy a dress.

BF:
Sorry, I meant I was at the "bank" of a river.
Do you want fish??? =))

Women are like Fruits. Every Woman has her own unique taste & color. The problem is the Men...they seem to LOVE......

Fruit Salad >=) !!!! >=)

*At the gym, boy starts doing Push ups*

Boy:
1...
2...
3......
...............­
..........

*Hot girl walks by..*....

Boy:
154...
155...
156...
.......:D :D :p :p

Read till last line....fun lies their:
.
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Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go out to a club and pick up some girls.

Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. 8-|

A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers.

Spiderman told him that he had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open.:>

Superman thought to himself: ?=-?
I'm faster than a speeding bullet.
I could be there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening! :)

So Superman did his super-thing in a split-second and flew off happily. :D

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: ?

Did you hear something??/:)
No said the InvisibleMan, but my ass hurts like hell...:'( =))

A guy watching TV suddenly yells

" Don't enter that church, u bastard!!''

His wife asks him:
''What are you Watching?''
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Our wedding CD'

Two Gays decided to have baby.
They mix their sperms & had a surrogate mother inseminated...

Baby born.

They rushed to the hospital.
12 babies were in the ward.
11 were crying, only one was smiling.

To their delight the nurse said:
Its your baby.

Gays : isn't it a wonder, all are crying but our baby is smiling.
This proves Superiority of Gay Love
Nurse "ya its happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ASS.

Wat do u Call a situation wen two ppl are thinking of Sex and d rest of d ppl r thinking of Food???
.
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.
.
.

.
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WEDDING!=)) =D

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??! :)

Life has so much 2 teach us,

1 famous Chinese poet said
“Sifgliyo chi chongloma cyona sung una sevol ping pinago ching”

Really touching na?
I almost criedX_X :) =))

Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a  jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man  explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried  with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.  'Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

Chicken story (mind blowing climax):

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.

As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock:
"Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all.

Young cock: OK. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his
might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang.....!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,
..
...
"Hell!!!!
This is the fifth GAY cock I've bought this week." ?

An old man owned a pond on his farm, lined
with fruit trees.
One day he went there with a basket to get
fruits.
On reaching, he found some young ladies
swimming in the pond.
They went in deep water to shield themselves
n said : We wont come out until u leave.
Old man : I'm not here to see u swim naked
or to get u out of the pond naked.

I'm here just to feed the Crocodile in the
pond. All the women rushed out.
Moral: No matter the age, Men can think
really fast when they come across naked
women"=D

Boy: how many apples can you eat on an empty
stomach ?
Girl : I can eat 6 apples
Boy : you can eat only 1 apple on empty stomach
bcoz when you eat the 2nd apple tht's not an
empty stomach..
Girl: Wow super joke

I'l tell my friend....
Girl to her friend: how many apples you can eat on an empty
stomach ?
Friend: I can eat 10
Girl: Pagal....
6 bolti to mast joke sunati!!!

 

Moral:?????????????

Dr to Lady :
Ur Heart, Lungs, Pulse & BP everything is Ok.
Now let me see that Little Thing which gets U
ladies into all Troubles!
Lady swings into action, Removes her
undergarments, Spreads her Legs.
Dr :
"No! No!
Pls wear back Ur clothes...
just show me ur Tongue!"

A Couple never fought in 25Yrs!!!
A friend asked - How did U make it possible??
Husband - We went 2 Shimla 4 our
Honymoon, While Horse riding My Wife's
Horse jumped & my wife fell down, she got
up, patted d Horse's back & said "Dis is your
1st time".
After a while,it happened again.
She said "dis is your 2nd time" & When it
happened the 3rd time, she took out a gun &

shot d horse.
I shouted, U psycho, U killed d horse.
She gave a grave look & said "dis is your 1st
time".
Since then v r very happy..

A Boy After Spending Great Time With
Girlfriend,
Saw A Guy’s Photo In Her Bag Asked: “Is He
Your X Boyfriend?”
Girlfriend Kissed Him And Said:
“No Baby Thats Me Before Surgery“=D =)) =D

Advantages of being a man
:D People never glance at your chest while
you're talking to them .
=)) Your ass is never a factor in job
interview .
=)) You can eat a banana in public .
:D The world is ur urinal .
N d best 1 here it goes...
=)) You can buy condoms without the chemist
imagining u naked !=))

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the
Doctor..
Journalist-How do u determine whether to
admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a
teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient &
ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person
would use da bucket bcoz its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the
drain plug!
Now will u plz proceed to bed no.39...

It was the mailman's last day on the job
after 35 years of carrying the mail through all
kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his
route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who congratulated him and sent him
on his way with a big gift envelope. At the
second house they presented him with a box
of fine cigars. The folks at the third house
handed him a selection of terrific fishing

lures. At the fourth house he was met at the
door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a
revealing negligee. She took him by the hand,
gently led him through the door (which she
closed behind him), and led him up the
stairs to the bedroom where she blew his
mind with the most passionate love he had
ever experienced. When he had had enough
they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham,
sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-
squeezed orange juice. When he was truly
satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a
dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful
for words," he said, "but what's the dollar
for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my
husband that today would be your last day,
and that we should do something special for
you. I asked him what to give you." He said,
"Fuck him, and give him a dollar." The lady
then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

•Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves
you,it's only when you leave her a virgin.
•Tension is when wife is pregnant! Terror is
when girlfriend is pregnant! Horror is when
both are pregnant! Tragedy is when you are
not responsible for both!
•The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of
sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the
female. And you always wondered why the
sea tasted salty?

•Why is it that a girl looks down when you
say I love you? To see if you really mean it!
•Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because
no matter how well you do it today,
tomorrow you have to do it again.
•Wives are funny creatures. They don't have
sex with their husbands for weeks and then
they want to kill the woman who does.
•Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-
Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific
sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens
once in 4 years.
•The stock markets now are like an old man's
dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is
that everyone is still getting screwed!
•This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread
the slogan ....... "We stare because we care!"
•The saddest part of a man's body is his
balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to
"Hang Till Death!"
•A loud scream comes from the bedroom and
the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping
out of the window. Wife yells: That guy just
screwed me twice! Husband: Twice? Why
didn't you call me in after he screwed you
once? Wife: Because I thought it was you,
until he started the second time.
•What is the difference between a chicken
and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting
hen while the baby is the result of standing
cock.
•If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you
get? Tit-Bits. And if it bursts in a man's
underwear? Banana split.
•What's the difference between a bomb & a
condom? In a bomb blast, population
decreases BUT in a condom blast, population
increases...

Santa being intrviewd at UK Embasy
CONSULATE: ur name please?
Santa: Santa
CONSL: Sex?
Santa: Ten times a day.
CONSL: I mean male or female.
Santa: Both male/female & sometimes
Camels.
CONSUL: You seem Ugly.
Santa:Yes Ugly & Pichli both sides.

CONSL: Freaky Ass!
Santa: Yes sometimes free ki ass somtimes
have to pay.
CONSL: Man you are hostile?
Santa: Horse style, dog style any style.
Consl: Ohhh dear!
Santa: Deer?
No deer they run very fast.

Do Read This Masterpiece Guys...
.
.
A farmer buys a young Cock.
As soon as it comes to farmhouse, rushes &
fucks all the 150 Hens.
Farmer is impressed.
At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets worried now.
Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks,

Goose & Parrots too.
Later, he finds Cock lying Pale, half-dead &
Vultures circling over it's head.
Farmer says: horny bastard,u deserve this !
The Cock opens 1 eye, points up &
says: Sshhh! Don't shout, let them land .. =))
=D :D :) =)) =D:D :)

Fat man saw an ad: "lose 5kg in a week" in a
newsppr. He calls the company & lady says
be ready tmrw at 6am.
The next morning he opens the door & finds
a hot babe with just shoes,undergarments &
shirt saying "u catch me u fuck me!" & the
girl starts running. He starts running but
doesn't catch her. During the whole week he
tried to catch her but couldn't. However he
loses 5 kg. He then asks for th

e 10kg
program.Next morning at 6 he opens the
door and sees an even hotter babe in
shoes,thong & a shirt saying "u catch me u
fuck me". He loses 10 kg that week. So he
thought this program is awesome! Lets try
the 25 kg! So he asked for the 25 kg but the
lady said "R u sure? its really tough". he said
"YES!"
Next day at 6 he opens the door, he finds a
negro gay in just underwear saying
"If I catch u, I will fuck u..!

A sindhi comes up to the Pakistan border on
his bike. He’s got two large bags over his
shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s
in the bags?’
‘Sand,’ answered the sindhi.
Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off
the bike.’
Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them
apart, he empties them out and finds nothing

in them but sand. He detains the sindhi all
night and has the sand analyzed, only to
discover that there is nothing but pure sand
in the bags. Iqbal releases the sindhi, puts
the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the
sindhis shoulders, and lets him cross the
border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal
asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the
sindhi.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and
discovers that the bags contain nothing but
sand. He gives the sand back to the sindhi,
and crosses the border on his bike. This
sequence of events is repeated every day for
three years.
Finally, the sindhi doesn’t show up one day
and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’
in Islamabad .
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are
smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy.
It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. It will just
be between you and me, can you let me
know what are you smuggling?’
The sindhi, sips his Lassi and says, “Bikes" :D

Jignesh "My elbow really hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor."?
His friend "Don't be so desi. There's
computer at the drug store that can diagnose
anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell
you what you can do about it. It only costs
$10.00."???
Jignesh figured he had nothing to lose, so he

filled a jar with a urine sample and went to
the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and
various lights started flashing. After a brief
pause, out popped a small slip of paper
which read?? You have tennis elbow. Soak
your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this
new technology was and how it would change
medical science forever, Jignesh began to
wonder if this could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples from
his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the
computer, poured in the sample and
deposited the $10.00.? The machine again
made the usual noises, flashed lights, and
printed out the following analysis:???
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water
softener.?
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with
anti-fungal shampoo.?
3. Your daughter is getting' screwed by three
guys at the same time and has urinary
infection. Put her on Antibiotic and keep a
track of her outings.
4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twins. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And Bastard, If you don't stop
masturbating, your elbow will never get
better! =)) =D =)) =D

Manmohan Singh, Asif Ali Zardari, Hillary
Clinton and Sonia Gandhi are traveling in a
train from Paris to London to watch the
Olympics.
The train goes through a tunnel and it gets
completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a
slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
Manmohan and Sonia are sitting there

looking perplexed.
Zardari is bending over holding his face,
which is red from an apparent slap. All of
them remain diplomatic and nobody says
anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Pakistanis are all crazy after girls. He
must have kissed Hillary in the tunnel. Very
proper that she slapped him.
Hillary is thinking:
Zardari must have tried to kiss me but kissed
Sonia instead and got slapped.
Zardari is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have kissed Hillary
or Sonia. She might have thought it was me
and slapped me.
Now guess what the Manmohan is thinking??
.
.
.
"If this train goes through another tunnel I
will make another kissing sound and slap
that bastard again"

BEWARE ADULT HUMOR
Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has
been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to
look for money and guns and finds a young
couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to
a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he
gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets
up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in

there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at
his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in
jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw
how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex,
don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he
tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he
nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be
strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't
kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my
ear. He told me he was gay, thought you
were cute, and asked me if we had any
vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

A girl realised that she had grown hair
between her legs.
She got worried n asked mom about that
hair.
Mom said- "dt part where hairs grow is called
Monkey,
b proud dt ur monkey have grown hair".
d girl smiled.
At dinner, she told sister-
"my monkey have grown hair"

Her sister smiled n said- "that's nothing,
mine is already eating bananas"..=)) =)) =))
=))

Bob hunted a small brown bear & then got a
tap on his shoulder & saw a big black bear..
Big Black bear said: 'you killed my cousin so
now either have sex with me or die...!!'
So bob was fucked by the bear..
After recovering from wounds of getting
fucked, bob came for revenge & killed the big

black bear..
Again a tap on his shoulder & this time a
huge grizzly bear who gave bob the same two
options...
So bob got fucked again, this time by
grizzly..!!
After recovering from the wounds bob
returned for the second time to take revenge
& with joy of revenge killed the grizzly bear
but there was a tap on his shoulder again..
Its a huge polar bear this time around..
the Polar bear said..
'Admit it bob.. You don't come here for the
hunting, do u?=)) :p X_X =D

At Dinner Little Jhonny Was Ordered To Lead
In Prayer.
Little Jhonny: “But I Dont Know How To
Pray?”
Dad: “Just Pray For Your Family Members,
Friends And Neighbours, The Poor, Etc”
Little Jhonny Started The Prayer:
Dear Lord, Thank You For Our Visitors And
Their Children, Who Finished All My Cookies
And Ice Cream. Bless Them So They Wont

Come Again.
Forgive Our Neighbor’s Son, Who Removed
My Sister’s Clothes And Wrestled With Her On
Her Bed.
This Coming Christmas, Please Send Clothes
To All Those Poor Naked Ladies On My
Daddy’s Iphone
And Provide Shelter For The Homeless Men
Who Use Mom’s Room When Daddy Is At
Work.
Amen
Dinner Was Cancelled...!!

Blind man in a Hotel..
Manager- Menu Sir?
Man- I'm blind, just bring me ur kitchen
spoon.
I'll Smell it & order.
Manager got a spoon.
Blind Smelt & said "Yes, I'll have lamb with
season Potatoes.
"Unbelievable !" said the manager.
Every week he came & was correct each time.

Once manager wanted to trick him.
He went to the kitchen and told his wife
Maria "Rub this spoon in ur PUSSY"
Blind man smelt & said,
"Oh ! My classmate Maria also works here !"

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have
one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle
registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the
owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in
the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs
away to his car, and calls for back up. Within
minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his
half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your
vehicle
please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you
have stolen this car and murdered the
owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the
trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing
nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration
papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you
do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls
out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my
officers told me you didn't have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I
was speeding too.

Corporate Fact-
When Human Body was first made, All Parts
Wanted to be the Boss.
Brain said- I'm Boss, coz I decide.
Feet said us and
So did the
Heart
Lungs,
Hands &
Eyes.....

Finally Asshole said
I should be the Boss.
All parts started laughing.
So Asshole went on Strike,
Blocked itself and refused to open.
In a short time,
Hands Cranked,
Eyes Blurred,
Ears Emitted Hot Air,
Brain Got Heavy,
Heart and Lungs Panicked...
So they all agreed that
Asshole should be the BOSS !
Moral:
It doesn't matter how talented you are...
Any Asshole can be your Boss!!

Posting this MASTERPIECE for all those
reading for the first time....
Rest please ignore:
.
.
If you farted consistently for 6 years & 9
months, enough gas is produced to create
the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure

when it pumps out to the body to squirt
blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its
head before it starves to death.(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.):D
Banging your head against a wall looses 150
calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)8-|
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a
football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)=-?
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a
pond?>:/ )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next
life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)8-|
The strongest muscle in the body is the
tongue.(Hmmmmmm..)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine
years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the
difference?)/:)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot
jump.(Still want 2 b the pig)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that
out?)*nerd*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I
know some people like that)
Starfish have no brains(I know some people
like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch,
they'll live a lot longer)
Humans & dolphins are the only species that
have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
You've smiled at least once, so spread these
crazy facts & send to someone you want to
smile....
lucky pigs!!!!!

Whose Son is Better???

4 friends meet 30 years after school. One
goes to the toilet, while the other 3 start to
talk about how successful their sons became.
No 1 says his son studied economics,
became a banker and is so rich he gave his
best friend a ferrari.
No 2 said his son became a pilot, started his
own airline, became so rich he gave his best
friend a jet.
No 3 said his son became an engineer,

started his own development company,
became so rich he build his best friend a
castle.
No 4 came back from toilet and asks what
the buzz is about. They told him they were
talking about how successful their sons
became and ask him about his son.
He said his son is gay and is a stripper at a
gay bar. Other 3 said he must be very
disappointed with his son for not becoming
successful.
O no said the father, he is doing good. Last
week was his birthday and he got a ferrari, a
jet and a castle from 3 of his
boyfriends.=)) :p

World Economic Outlook

World Economic Outlook :

One day a tourist comes to the only hotel in
a debt ridden town. Lays a $100 note on the
table & goes to inspect the rooms.
Hotel owner takes the note & rushes to pay
his debt to the butcher.
Butcher runs to pay the pig farmer. Pig
farmer runs to pay the feed supplier.
Supplier runs to pay the prostitute, who in
these hard times gave her services on credit.

Hooker then runs to pay off her debt to the
hotel owner for the rooms she rented for her
clients.
Hotel owner then lays the $100 note back on
the counter.
The tourist comes down, takes his money &
leaves as he did not like the rooms.
No one earned anything. But the town is now
without debt & looks to the future with a lot
of optimism.
And that is how the world is doing business
today... :)