Once an army major posted in
remote area.
.
He saw camel in da army camp.
He asked soldier.
.
Soldier said- sir we use it when
we are sexualy frustated.
… .
One night Major got sexualy
frustated.
.
He ordered the soldier to get the camel and bring a stool.
Soldier did the same.
.
Major started fucking the camel with help of stool.
.
After fuking he proudly asked the soldier- this is the way you use it.
.
Soldier replied- no sir, we ride
The camel to next village where
prostitutes live…
Friday, December 21, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Once a Girl Went to An Electronic Shop With Anger
&
Threw Her New Laptop On The Desk At A Person From Whom He Bought.
.
.
She Told The Salesman That You Have Cheated Me, I Cannot Transfer File From My Previous
Laptop..!!
.
.
Salesman : Madam, Can You Please Try In Front Of Me..??
.
This Is What She Did :
.
1) Right Clicked The Mouse On The File Which She Wanted To Transfer & Selected CUT Option.
.
.
2) Disconnected The Mouse From That PC.
.
.
3) Took That Mouse Carefully & Connected It To The Other PC Where She Wanted To Copy That File. .
.
.
4) Right Clicked The Mouse & Selected The PASTE Option.
.
Salesman DIED..! :P
Dis is really interesting
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are wittren,the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in rghit pclae.The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Interesting naa?
Wife says to husband:
W: Come help in the garden.
Husband: Who do u think I am?a gardener?
W:Come fix the toilet faucet.
H:Who do u think I am?a plumber?
W:Come fix the door handle.
H:Who do u think I am?a carpenter?
The husband went out....but when he came back,he saw that everything is fixed...the garden...toilet faucet...& the door handle. He asked his wife who had done it?
The wife said its the neighbor's son,but he gave me 2 options...
Either to make him a hamburger or to sleep with him...
Husband:I'm sure,you gave him a
hamburger!!
Wife:What do u think I am??
Mc Donalds?
Friday, December 14, 2012
What is Vicious Circle???
The boss calls his secretary & says:
"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."
The secretary calls husband & says:
"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so take care of yourself"
The husband calls his mistress & says:
"My wife is going on a business trip come home we can have fun"
The mistress calls the boy to whom she gives tuition: "No tuition this weekend."
The boy calls his grand father:
"Grandpa at last we can spend this weekend together."
Grandpa (The boss) calls his secretary & says: "Business trip is canceled.
I'm going to spend weekend with my grandson"
The secretary calls husband:
"I won't be going"
The husband calls his mistress:
"I am sorry My wife is not going "
The mistress calls boy:
"You have tuition"
Boy calls his grandpa & says:
"Sorry grandpa I've classes"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The grandpa calls secretary &... :P :P
"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."
The secretary calls husband & says:
"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so take care of yourself"
The husband calls his mistress & says:
"My wife is going on a business trip come home we can have fun"
The mistress calls the boy to whom she gives tuition: "No tuition this weekend."
The boy calls his grand father:
"Grandpa at last we can spend this weekend together."
Grandpa (The boss) calls his secretary & says: "Business trip is canceled.
I'm going to spend weekend with my grandson"
The secretary calls husband:
"I won't be going"
The husband calls his mistress:
"I am sorry My wife is not going "
The mistress calls boy:
"You have tuition"
Boy calls his grandpa & says:
"Sorry grandpa I've classes"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The grandpa calls secretary &... :P :P
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
A Couple, Suresh and Reeta Sharma,in the US.,
were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start
their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, he kissed her and said, ' I'm going to office. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, he kissed her and said, ' I'm going to office. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he
said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' She cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Do you know Babies are my Speciality?'
'Well that's what I hope. Please do come in!'
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Oh, no need to explain,' She cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Do you know Babies are my Speciality?'
'Well that's what I hope. Please do come in!'
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
Whose Guilty?
Wife and Husband sleeping together..
Wife screams "getup and run, my husband's home..!" in her sleep,
Husband got up and jumped out of the window..!!
Wife screams "getup and run, my husband's home..!" in her sleep,
Husband got up and jumped out of the window..!!
Askhole
A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them...
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight.
Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.
The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"
And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
One of the best Post ever:
.
.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.
It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.
Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says;
“So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you
completely. This must be a sign from God!
The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it
back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."
Adam ate the apple again !=D
Men will NEVER learn !
Women will Never change!!! =D
Sunday, December 9, 2012
One of the most hilarious msgs I've ever come across!! =))
Santa buys a brand new sportscar and his first day driving he cuts off a truck. The truck driver is furious at his driving and decides to
pull him over and teach him a lesson. He pulls him over and when he stops he gets out of the truck with a piece of chalk and a
knife, draws a circle on the road and tells the frightened Santa to stand in the circle,
then proceeds to cut up his nice leather seats. Thinking he had done enuff he turns around to find Santa smiling. Even more angry he returns to his truck and gets a baseball bat out and smashes all the windows and lights. When he looks again at Santa he is giggling.
Starting to rage now, the truckie drops the bat and slashes all his tyres to which he bursts out laughing.
Well, the truckie finally loses it, gets a can of petrol from the truck, pours it all over the brand new sports car and sets it on fire.
When he turns around to see Santa's reaction, he is nearly falling over with fits of laughter.
Mystified, the trucker asks " what the hell is so funny ???"
Santa replied, " while you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle four times !!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The
bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've
ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the
bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man
next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The
man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go
on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Politicians lie..
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians. A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck.
He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them.
"Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff.
"Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how these politicians lie."
Sunday, December 2, 2012
It's dark in here, isn't it?
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"
the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"
the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
Scared Enough?
A Taxi Passenger Touched The Driver On The Shoulder To Ask Him a Question.
The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit a Bus, Went Up On The Footpath & Stopped Few Centimeters Far From a Shop Window.
4 a Second, Everything Went Quiet In The Cab. Then, The Driver Said:
The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit a Bus, Went Up On The Footpath & Stopped Few Centimeters Far From a Shop Window.
4 a Second, Everything Went Quiet In The Cab. Then, The Driver Said:
"Look Buddy! Don't Ever Do That Again, u Scared Me.
The Passenger Apologized And Said: "I Didn't Realize That a Little Touch Would Scare You SoMuch...
Driver Replied: "Sorry, It's Not Really Your Fault. Today Is my 1st Day As a Cab Driver. I've Been
Driving a Van Carrying Dead Bodies Frm The Last 25 Years.
The Passenger Apologized And Said: "I Didn't Realize That a Little Touch Would Scare You SoMuch...
Driver Replied: "Sorry, It's Not Really Your Fault. Today Is my 1st Day As a Cab Driver. I've Been
Driving a Van Carrying Dead Bodies Frm The Last 25 Years.
The Greatest Mystery Ever.. :O
A Must Must Must Read For Everyone...
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is driving down the road & breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, & says, "My car broke down. Do u think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You are not a monk'.". The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway & goes away. Some years later, d same man breaks down in front of d same monastery D monks again accept him. That night, he hears d same strange sound that he had heard yrs earlier. D next morning, he asks what d sound was, but d monks reply, "v can't tell u. U're not a monk". D man says, " I'm dying to know. If d only way I can find out what that sound was, is 2 become a monk, how do I becum a monk?". D monks reply, "U must travel d earth & tell us how many blades of grass der r & d exact number of sand pebbles". D man sets bout his task.
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is driving down the road & breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, & says, "My car broke down. Do u think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You are not a monk'.". The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway & goes away. Some years later, d same man breaks down in front of d same monastery D monks again accept him. That night, he hears d same strange sound that he had heard yrs earlier. D next morning, he asks what d sound was, but d monks reply, "v can't tell u. U're not a monk". D man says, " I'm dying to know. If d only way I can find out what that sound was, is 2 become a monk, how do I becum a monk?". D monks reply, "U must travel d earth & tell us how many blades of grass der r & d exact number of sand pebbles". D man sets bout his task.
An Irishman, a Mexican and Santa were sitting down at the parapet of the 20 story building they were working on. Irishman opened his lunch, and said: " corned beef! If I get corned beef one more time I'll jump off this building!".
Mexican opened his lunch, and said:" burritos! If I get burritos one more time I'll jump too!".
Santa then opened his lunch, and said:"
AlooParantha! If I get it one more time I'll jump too .".
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch,
saw corned beef, then jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw burritos, and jumped to his death.
Then our Santa opened his lunch, saw Parantha, and jumped to his death.
At their funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping: " If I knew he was tired of corned
beef, I could've given him something else!".
The mexican's wife was also crying:" I
could've given him enchiladas, if I knew he
hated burritos!".
Everyone looked at the Santa's wife.
She said: " don't look at me. The idiot makes
his own lunch!"
Santa then opened his lunch, and said:"
AlooParantha! If I get it one more time I'll jump too .".
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch,
saw corned beef, then jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw burritos, and jumped to his death.
Then our Santa opened his lunch, saw Parantha, and jumped to his death.
At their funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping: " If I knew he was tired of corned
beef, I could've given him something else!".
The mexican's wife was also crying:" I
could've given him enchiladas, if I knew he
hated burritos!".
Everyone looked at the Santa's wife.
She said: " don't look at me. The idiot makes
his own lunch!"
First joke on Santa's Wife...
A plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when
Gurpreet in economy class gets up, and
moves to the first class section and sits
down. The flight attendant watches her do
this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells
Gurpreet that she paid for economy class,
and that she will have to sit in the back.
Gurpreet replies, "I’m Santa's wife, I’m
beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m
staying right here."
the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and
tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is
Santa's wife sitting in first class, that belongs
in economy, and won't move back to her
seat.
The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries
to explain that because she only paid for
economy she will have to leave and return to
her seat. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Great Santa's
wife, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh
and I’m staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably
should have the police waiting when they
land to arrest her who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she is Santa's wife?
I'll handle this; I’m married to a her siblings.
I speak her language too."
He goes back to Gurpreet and whispers in
her ear, and she says, "oh, I’m sorry." and
gets up and goes back to her seat in
economy..
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed
and asked him what he said to make her
move without any fuss.
"I told her, "first class isn't going to
Chandigarh."X_X
Types of Shits
Ghost tatti (s h i t ) : The kind where you feel the tatti come out, but there is no tatti in the toilet.
Clean tatti : The kind where you tatti it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet tatti : The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you wont ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave tatti : This happens when youre done tatti-ing and youve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to tatti some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-tatti : The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy tatti : Its so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker tatti : The kind of tatti you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log tatti : The kind of tatti that is so huge youre afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn tatti : Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-tatti tatti : The kind where you want to tatti but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap tatti : Thats where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks tatti (The Power Dump) : The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
Liquid tatti : The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican tatti : It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Surprise tatti : Youre not even at the toilet because you are sure youre about to fart, but oops.......a tatti!!!
The Dangling tatti : This tatti refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done tatti-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
Two drunks visit a brothel, the madam looks
at them & tells her manager:
"go & put inflatable (balloon type) dolls in
the bed rooms, they r too drunk 2 notice"
during walk 2 home, 1st man says:
"I think my girl was dead, she never moved
or made a sound"
2nd guy says:
"could b worse, I think mine was a witch"
1st: "why would u say that?"
2nd: "wel I gave her a litle bite on her ass,
she farted on my face and flew out of
window... =D =)) =D
Horse & chicken were frnds.
1day horse fell in 2 a hole. Chicken called a
farmer who used his Audi Q7 Quattro 2 lift d
horse. , den 1 day d chicken fell into d hole.
The horse lowered his dick & pulled d
chicken out.
Moral of d story - If U have a horse's dick, U
don't need an Audi to pick up chicks .....(y)
>=)
Height of Miscommunication !!!!!!
Jokes of the Weekend:
.
.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a depleted old boat.
It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael.
She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feelterrible."
Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no.
In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten Old thing right from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow.
The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
The old lady fainted!!
.
.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a depleted old boat.
It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael.
She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feelterrible."
Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no.
In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten Old thing right from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow.
The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
The old lady fainted!!
Little John cums to school daily with a black
eye.
Teacher:
What's wrong?
Johnny:
Our house is very small. Me, mom, dad all
sleep on the same bed.
Every nite dad asks:
'Johnny, U sleeping?'
I say 'No'. He slaps my face & gives me black
eye.
Teacher:
Tonight when Ur dad asks again, keep dead
quiet & don't answer.
Following morning Johnny cums with severe
black eye again.
Teacher:
My goodness! Why again?
Little John: Dad asked me & I kept dead still.
Then dad & mom started moving. Mom was
breathing erratically, kicking her legs up and
squealing loud on the bed. Then dad asked
my mom
"Are U coming?"
Mom said "Yes i'm, Are U coming too?"
Dad replied "Ya me too"
They usually don't go anywhere without me
so I said "Wait for me! I'm coming too."
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a
healing service on the television.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be
healed to go to their television set, place one
hand on the TV and the other hand on the
body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the
television set, placed her right hand on the
set and her left hand on her arthritic
shoulder that was causing her to have great
pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed
his right hand on the set and his left hand on
his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, 'I guess
you just don't get it. The purpose of doing
this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead. =))
Saturday, December 1, 2012
A pencil maker told five important lessons:
1. Everything you do will always leave a mark.
2. You can always correct the mistakes you've made.
3. What is important is what is inside you.
4. You have to undergo painful sharpening which will make you a better pencil.
5. To be the best pencil, you must allow to be held and guided by the HAND that holds you.
1. Everything you do will always leave a mark.
2. You can always correct the mistakes you've made.
3. What is important is what is inside you.
4. You have to undergo painful sharpening which will make you a better pencil.
5. To be the best pencil, you must allow to be held and guided by the HAND that holds you.
In a Bar,
a man attended a phone-call:
Hello! Yes Honey.
Wife: Darling, I'am in a shopping mall. Shall I buy Jewellery worth Rs. 1 LAKH?
Man: Sure Honey.
Wife: 1 Silk-Saree worth Rs. 20000 dear, shall I?
a man attended a phone-call:
Hello! Yes Honey.
Wife: Darling, I'am in a shopping mall. Shall I buy Jewellery worth Rs. 1 LAKH?
Man: Sure Honey.
Wife: 1 Silk-Saree worth Rs. 20000 dear, shall I?
Man: One saree not enough honey, take 1 more.
Wife: Ok dear, I have your credit-card. Shall I use now?
Man: Sure, with pleasure.
All friends asked him after he put down his mobile: U love ur wife dis much?
Man: "EXCUSE ME, WHO's MOBILE IS THIS"?.
Wife: Ok dear, I have your credit-card. Shall I use now?
Man: Sure, with pleasure.
All friends asked him after he put down his mobile: U love ur wife dis much?
Man: "EXCUSE ME, WHO's MOBILE IS THIS"?.
Poor Groom;)
The bride kissed her father and placed some
thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to
the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued.....
"My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except......
the poor Groom!!=D
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued.....
"My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter.......... all except......
the poor Groom!!=D
Smart Husband
I sent a text to my
wife last night, "Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and
wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish
before I return."
I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
She text back,"Omg really?"
I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."
I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
She text back,"Omg really?"
I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."
!! NICE THOUGHT !!
"TAKE IT EASY"
is a Concept of Common People
But,
"MAKE IT EASY"
is a Concept of Brilliant People.!!!!
is a Concept of Common People
But,
"MAKE IT EASY"
is a Concept of Brilliant People.!!!!
Wait a Second!!
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
True Story
Boys insult each other, but they really don't mean it.
Girls complement each other, but they don't mean it either.
Girls complement each other, but they don't mean it either.
Announcement In University
The principle made an announcement in the university:
"The Students Who Have Parked Their Cars On The Driveway, Please Move Them"
Another Announcement After 20 Minutes:
"The 200 Students Who Went To Move 9 Cars Please Return To Their Respective Classes"
"The Students Who Have Parked Their Cars On The Driveway, Please Move Them"
Another Announcement After 20 Minutes:
"The 200 Students Who Went To Move 9 Cars Please Return To Their Respective Classes"
A woman whose husband often came home drunk
decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a
devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
How Many GFs????
Wife 2 Husband: Did u Have any GF before marriage ?
Husband remains silent ?
Wife: what is the meaning of silence?
Husband: Wait.. let me count...
Husband remains silent ?
Wife: what is the meaning of silence?
Husband: Wait.. let me count...
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
THE END
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
THE END
Irritation at Its Best
Police : Where Do You Live?
Me : With My Parents.
Police : Where Do Your Parents Live?
Me : With Me.
Police : Where Do You All Live?
Me : Together.
Police : Where Is Your House?
Me : Next To My Neighbors House.
Police : Where Is Your Neighbors House?
Me: If I Tell You , You Won't Believe Me.
Police : Tell Me.
Me : Next To Mine.
Me : With My Parents.
Police : Where Do Your Parents Live?
Me : With Me.
Police : Where Do You All Live?
Me : Together.
Police : Where Is Your House?
Me : Next To My Neighbors House.
Police : Where Is Your Neighbors House?
Me: If I Tell You , You Won't Believe Me.
Police : Tell Me.
Me : Next To Mine.
Male Logic vs. Female Intent
*Milk and eggs*
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
A Msg From Rajnikanth....
This message is sent by Rajnikant
(In the interest of humanity ):
"Guys plz stop making jokes on me
" Otherwise, I will delete the INTERNET" :p :D :x
(In the interest of humanity ):
"Guys plz stop making jokes on me
" Otherwise, I will delete the INTERNET" :p :D :x
Killing English
1. Principal To Student..." I Saw U
Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling
Cigarette... ? "
2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The
Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"
3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going
Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel Pulling
Cigarette... ? "
2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up The
Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"
3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm Going
Out Of The World To America.."
4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY
BACK.."
5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be
Fallen Down.....
6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When
The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch
The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem.
And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not
Oning" (Ing Form Of On)
7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write
Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!
8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is
Revolving Around College"
9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am
Madhu, Married With Two Kids"
10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"
11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK
AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us...
"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My
Daughter"
13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially
Mother And Father
14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys
Outside When I Am In The Class?!"
15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend
Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You
Understand. Computer How Understand??
16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The
Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep
Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"
17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So Loudly
I Will Stand Uping U"
18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit
Outside, The Understand
4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY
BACK.."
5. Don't..Laugh At The Back
Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will Be
Fallen Down.....
6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon When
The Teacher Entered.. She Tried To Switch
The Fan On, But There Was Some Problem.
And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not
Oning" (Ing Form Of On)
7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write
Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur Name!!
8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is
Revolving Around College"
9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I Am
Madhu, Married With Two Kids"
10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else I'll
HANG MYSELF"
11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK
AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells Us...
"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry My
Daughter"
13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially
Mother And Father
14. "Why Are You Looking At The Monkeys
Outside When I Am In The Class?!"
15. Lab Assistant Said This When My Friend
Wrote Wrong Code.. "I Understand. You
Understand. Computer How Understand??
16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, The
Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep
Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"
17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So Loudly
I Will Stand Uping U"
18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit
Outside, The Understand
The Mobile Phone Law
How many SECRETS hidden in your mobile is directly proportional to..
.
.
.
.
.
,
.
How QUICKLY you snatch it back when someone takes it..
.
.
.
.
.
,
.
How QUICKLY you snatch it back when someone takes it..
The Call Theorm
The longer you stare at phone before picking the call
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bigger the lie you tell after picking it up
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bigger the lie you tell after picking it up
My Attitude..
A Girl proposed to me.
And I said:
.
.
.
.
.
And I said:
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Sorry, I won't accept your proposal,
But I appreciate your selection !"
"Sorry, I won't accept your proposal,
But I appreciate your selection !"
Hard Fact About Youngsters
"They are always busy watching the desktop wallpaper.. whenever their parents enter their room...(O.O)"
BEFORE MARRIAGE:
Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!
AFTER MARRIAGE:
read from bottom to top.
read from bottom to top.
Height of KAMINAPAN :D
Girl: Will you love me after marriage also .....??
.
.
Boy: This depends on your
husband, if he allows
me...:P ;) =D:D
.
Boy: This depends on your
husband, if he allows
me...:P ;) =D:D
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor
when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that
many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cre
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cre
am."
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
"Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it."
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
Why Do Dogs Lift Their One Leg While Peeing?
Theres a story behind it...
Once while peeing, a wall fell over a dog, and the dog died...
Hence, from that day onwards, dogs started to give SUPPORT to the wall with one leg while peeing...
Once while peeing, a wall fell over a dog, and the dog died...
Hence, from that day onwards, dogs started to give SUPPORT to the wall with one leg while peeing...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!
We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!! Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!!You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!!
Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving"
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!
We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!! Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!!You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!!
Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving"
An English professor wrote the words:
“A woman without her man is nothing”
on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...
All of the males in the class wrote:
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
“A woman without her man is nothing”
on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly...
All of the males in the class wrote:
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote:
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful!!
:D :D :D
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is powerful!!
:D :D :D
Awesome Answers
"1- Principal: Are You Chewing Gum?
Student: No, I'm Human Being..!!
.
2- Wife: We Are Having Mother For Dinner
Tonight.
Husband: But Darling, I'm Vegetarian..!!
How Can I Eat Her??
Student: No, I'm Human Being..!!
.
2- Wife: We Are Having Mother For Dinner
Tonight.
Husband: But Darling, I'm Vegetarian..!!
How Can I Eat Her??
.
3- Will These Stairs Take Me To The 2nd
Floor?
No, You'll Have To Walk As Well..!!
.
4- Girl: I Have Changed My Mind..!!
Boy: Thank God, But Does The New One
Works? ;) x) :P :D"
3- Will These Stairs Take Me To The 2nd
Floor?
No, You'll Have To Walk As Well..!!
.
4- Girl: I Have Changed My Mind..!!
Boy: Thank God, But Does The New One
Works? ;) x) :P :D"
Friday, November 30, 2012
At midnight in a hospital, inside a lift, there was a nurse & a girl.They were passing thru 3rd floor which was a mortuary.
Suddenly d door of d lift opens. They saw a boy rushing 2 get inside.
d nurse was frightened & closed d lift immediately.
The girl got curious & asked the nurse: R u okay & why did u do that?
Nurse: I know him. He is 1 of our patients who died yesterday. Did u see that red tag on his wrist. We put red tag on dead patients..
In the dim light of lift the girl suddenly raised her wrist &asked smiling, Do u mean dis red tag?
& the lights went off...
Suddenly d door of d lift opens. They saw a boy rushing 2 get inside.
d nurse was frightened & closed d lift immediately.
The girl got curious & asked the nurse: R u okay & why did u do that?
Nurse: I know him. He is 1 of our patients who died yesterday. Did u see that red tag on his wrist. We put red tag on dead patients..
In the dim light of lift the girl suddenly raised her wrist &asked smiling, Do u mean dis red tag?
& the lights went off...
SPACING ERROR
A secretary got an expensive PEN as birthday gift from her boss.
She sent her boss a 'Thank You' via SMS. The wife read the text and angrily shows her husband the message:
"Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. Thank you Sir".
She sent her boss a 'Thank You' via SMS. The wife read the text and angrily shows her husband the message:
"Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. Thank you Sir".
Mind Your Own Business
A middle aged Man to a smoking Kid :-
"you should not smoke. It's dangerous for your health"
Kid : My Grandpaa lived for 100 years.
Man : did He smoked?
Kid : No, He used to mind his own business.:D=D =))
"you should not smoke. It's dangerous for your health"
Kid : My Grandpaa lived for 100 years.
Man : did He smoked?
Kid : No, He used to mind his own business.:D=D =))
Horror @ its best
Husband kills his unfaithful wife while
their 5 yr old son was still sleeping. The weird thing was that d kid
didn't ask for his mom even 3 days after she went missing.
Father: Is there something u want to ask me?
Kid: I just wonder y mom is always standing BEHIND U??=)) X_X
Father: Is there something u want to ask me?
Kid: I just wonder y mom is always standing BEHIND U??=)) X_X
Whats The Difference Between Chocolate & Birth Control Pills?
Whats The Difference Between Chocolate & Birth Control Pills?
Small girls eat chocolate and mess around...
Big girls mess around and eat the birth control pills...
Small girls eat chocolate and mess around...
Big girls mess around and eat the birth control pills...
A prostitute married her pimp..
A prostitute married her pimp,
Someone asked her, what work your husband do?
Prostitute:
He is,
.
.
Director of Sales & Marketing of my
Hole sale Business...!
Someone asked her, what work your husband do?
Prostitute:
He is,
.
.
Director of Sales & Marketing of my
Hole sale Business...!
Heights of Being Asshole
Boy called FM radio & said,
" I found a wallet with 15000 Bucks & ID of James Galleon."
RJ: U want 2 return his wallet?
Boy: No, I want 2 dedicate him a SAD song...=))
" I found a wallet with 15000 Bucks & ID of James Galleon."
RJ: U want 2 return his wallet?
Boy: No, I want 2 dedicate him a SAD song...=))
Husbands V/S Wives
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
=)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =)) =))
Turn Around
Two sex hungry couples are having sex..
after having sex for 4 hours the husband suddenly stops..
Wife: What happened? Done already???
Husband: No darling... NOW TURN AROUND..!!!
after having sex for 4 hours the husband suddenly stops..
Wife: What happened? Done already???
Husband: No darling... NOW TURN AROUND..!!!
Not My Husband
A TOTAL WTF JOKE:
.
.
.
.
3 LADIES in a Gym.
A MAN runs naked covering his face,
All three ladies are looking between his legs
1st -
He's NOT my HUSBAND
2nd -
Ya He's NOT your HUSBAND
3rd -
HE's NOT even a Member of this Gym X_X
.
.
.
.
3 LADIES in a Gym.
A MAN runs naked covering his face,
All three ladies are looking between his legs
1st -
He's NOT my HUSBAND
2nd -
Ya He's NOT your HUSBAND
3rd -
HE's NOT even a Member of this Gym X_X
Wheres the Got damn Remote??
Man in bed slides his hands across her shoulder,
under her neck,
under her back and stops suddenly.
Wife gasps: what happened. You can go ahead.
Husband: I got the Remote, you can sleep..;-P
under her neck,
under her back and stops suddenly.
Wife gasps: what happened. You can go ahead.
Husband: I got the Remote, you can sleep..;-P
Fuck Poem
Fuck is good,
Fuck is funny,
Lots of people Fuck for money,
So if you think that Fuck is funny,
Then Fuck yourself and save your money...;)
Fuck is funny,
Lots of people Fuck for money,
So if you think that Fuck is funny,
Then Fuck yourself and save your money...;)
Naughty Santa..;-)
A Small Boy Wrote A Letter To Santa Claus on Christmas “Send Me A Brother”
Santa Wrote Back “First Send Me Your Mother“
Santa Wrote Back “First Send Me Your Mother“
Sex Poem
Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boys do the thing,
Girls get the blame,
1 Night in pleasure,
9 Months of pain,
1 Day in hospital,
And the baby needs a name...
Sex is a game,
Boys do the thing,
Girls get the blame,
1 Night in pleasure,
9 Months of pain,
1 Day in hospital,
And the baby needs a name...
Ladies First...
Lovers decided to commit Suicide...
boy jumped first..:(
Girl didnt jump:/
From that day started the concept of
.
.
.
Ladies First.. ;)
boy jumped first..:(
Girl didnt jump:/
From that day started the concept of
.
.
.
Ladies First.. ;)
Why girls don’t keep mobile in T-shirt pocket?
Why girls don’t keep mobile in T-shirt pocket?
Bcoz of 2 reasons….
1. Vibration may change Milk into Curd.
2. Network coverage is not found in Hilly areas.
Bcoz of 2 reasons….
1. Vibration may change Milk into Curd.
2. Network coverage is not found in Hilly areas.
Make a Word
At college, male & female students were told to individually write a sentence using both the words 'sex' and 'love.'
Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, then it is spiritually and morally acceptable to society that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one another.
Men wrote : 'I love sex' (As simple as that..!!)=))
Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, then it is spiritually and morally acceptable to society that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one another.
Men wrote : 'I love sex' (As simple as that..!!)=))
Laziest Quote Ever!!
"If there was an award for laziness, I'd probably send someone to pick it up for me..." :p
A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning
building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the
redhead to jump.
When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.
When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.
When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."
When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.
When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.
When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."
Read till last line....fun lies their:
.
.
Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go out to a club and pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. 8-|
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers.
Spiderman told him that he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open.:>
Superman thought to himself: ?=-?
I'm faster than a speeding bullet.
I could be there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening! :)
So Superman did his super-thing in a split-second and flew off happily. :D
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: ?
Did you hear something??/:)
No said the InvisibleMan, but my ass hurts like hell...:'( =))
.
.
Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go out to a club and pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. 8-|
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers.
Spiderman told him that he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open.:>
Superman thought to himself: ?=-?
I'm faster than a speeding bullet.
I could be there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening! :)
So Superman did his super-thing in a split-second and flew off happily. :D
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: ?
Did you hear something??/:)
No said the InvisibleMan, but my ass hurts like hell...:'( =))
Two Gays decided to have baby.
They mix their sperms & had a surrogate mother inseminated...
Baby born.
They rushed to the hospital.
12 babies were in the ward.
11 were crying, only one was smiling.
To their delight the nurse said:
Its your baby.
Gays : isn't it a wonder, all are crying but our baby is smiling.
This proves Superiority of Gay Love
Nurse "ya its happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ASS.
They mix their sperms & had a surrogate mother inseminated...
Baby born.
They rushed to the hospital.
12 babies were in the ward.
11 were crying, only one was smiling.
To their delight the nurse said:
Its your baby.
Gays : isn't it a wonder, all are crying but our baby is smiling.
This proves Superiority of Gay Love
Nurse "ya its happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ASS.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??! :)
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone
Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them.
Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??! :)
Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s
office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked
why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control
pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”
The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”
The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
Chicken story (mind blowing climax):
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.
As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock:
"Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all.
Young cock: OK. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his
might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang.....!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,
..
...
"Hell!!!!
This is the fifth GAY cock I've bought this week." ?
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.
As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock:
"Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all.
Young cock: OK. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his
might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang.....!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,
..
...
"Hell!!!!
This is the fifth GAY cock I've bought this week." ?
An old man owned a pond on his farm, lined
with fruit trees.
One day he went there with a basket to get
fruits.
On reaching, he found some young ladies
swimming in the pond.
They went in deep water to shield themselves
n said : We wont come out until u leave.
Old man : I'm not here to see u swim naked
or to get u out of the pond naked.
with fruit trees.
One day he went there with a basket to get
fruits.
On reaching, he found some young ladies
swimming in the pond.
They went in deep water to shield themselves
n said : We wont come out until u leave.
Old man : I'm not here to see u swim naked
or to get u out of the pond naked.
I'm here just to feed the Crocodile in the
pond. All the women rushed out.
Moral: No matter the age, Men can think
really fast when they come across naked
women"=D
pond. All the women rushed out.
Moral: No matter the age, Men can think
really fast when they come across naked
women"=D
Boy: how many apples can you eat on an empty
stomach ?
Girl : I can eat 6 apples
Boy : you can eat only 1 apple on empty stomach
bcoz when you eat the 2nd apple tht's not an
empty stomach..
Girl: Wow super joke
stomach ?
Girl : I can eat 6 apples
Boy : you can eat only 1 apple on empty stomach
bcoz when you eat the 2nd apple tht's not an
empty stomach..
Girl: Wow super joke
I'l tell my friend....
Girl to her friend: how many apples you can eat on an empty
stomach ?
Friend: I can eat 10
Girl: Pagal....
6 bolti to mast joke sunati!!!
Girl to her friend: how many apples you can eat on an empty
stomach ?
Friend: I can eat 10
Girl: Pagal....
6 bolti to mast joke sunati!!!
Moral:?????????????
A Couple never fought in 25Yrs!!!
A friend asked - How did U make it possible??
Husband - We went 2 Shimla 4 our
Honymoon, While Horse riding My Wife's
Horse jumped & my wife fell down, she got
up, patted d Horse's back & said "Dis is your
1st time".
After a while,it happened again.
She said "dis is your 2nd time" & When it
happened the 3rd time, she took out a gun &
A friend asked - How did U make it possible??
Husband - We went 2 Shimla 4 our
Honymoon, While Horse riding My Wife's
Horse jumped & my wife fell down, she got
up, patted d Horse's back & said "Dis is your
1st time".
After a while,it happened again.
She said "dis is your 2nd time" & When it
happened the 3rd time, she took out a gun &
shot d horse.
I shouted, U psycho, U killed d horse.
She gave a grave look & said "dis is your 1st
time".
Since then v r very happy..
I shouted, U psycho, U killed d horse.
She gave a grave look & said "dis is your 1st
time".
Since then v r very happy..
Advantages of being a man
:D People never glance at your chest while
you're talking to them .
=)) Your ass is never a factor in job
interview .
=)) You can eat a banana in public .
:D The world is ur urinal .
N d best 1 here it goes...
=)) You can buy condoms without the chemist
imagining u naked !=))
:D People never glance at your chest while
you're talking to them .
=)) Your ass is never a factor in job
interview .
=)) You can eat a banana in public .
:D The world is ur urinal .
N d best 1 here it goes...
=)) You can buy condoms without the chemist
imagining u naked !=))
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the
Doctor..
Journalist-How do u determine whether to
admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a
teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient &
ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person
would use da bucket bcoz its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the
drain plug!
Now will u plz proceed to bed no.39...
Doctor..
Journalist-How do u determine whether to
admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a
teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient &
ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person
would use da bucket bcoz its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the
drain plug!
Now will u plz proceed to bed no.39...
It was the mailman's last day on the job
after 35 years of carrying the mail through all
kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his
route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who congratulated him and sent him
on his way with a big gift envelope. At the
second house they presented him with a box
of fine cigars. The folks at the third house
handed him a selection of terrific fishing
after 35 years of carrying the mail through all
kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his
route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who congratulated him and sent him
on his way with a big gift envelope. At the
second house they presented him with a box
of fine cigars. The folks at the third house
handed him a selection of terrific fishing
lures. At the fourth house he was met at the
door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a
revealing negligee. She took him by the hand,
gently led him through the door (which she
closed behind him), and led him up the
stairs to the bedroom where she blew his
mind with the most passionate love he had
ever experienced. When he had had enough
they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham,
sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-
squeezed orange juice. When he was truly
satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a
dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful
for words," he said, "but what's the dollar
for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my
husband that today would be your last day,
and that we should do something special for
you. I asked him what to give you." He said,
"Fuck him, and give him a dollar." The lady
then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a
revealing negligee. She took him by the hand,
gently led him through the door (which she
closed behind him), and led him up the
stairs to the bedroom where she blew his
mind with the most passionate love he had
ever experienced. When he had had enough
they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham,
sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-
squeezed orange juice. When he was truly
satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a
dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful
for words," he said, "but what's the dollar
for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my
husband that today would be your last day,
and that we should do something special for
you. I asked him what to give you." He said,
"Fuck him, and give him a dollar." The lady
then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
•Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves
you,it's only when you leave her a virgin.
•Tension is when wife is pregnant! Terror is
when girlfriend is pregnant! Horror is when
both are pregnant! Tragedy is when you are
not responsible for both!
•The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of
sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the
female. And you always wondered why the
sea tasted salty?
you,it's only when you leave her a virgin.
•Tension is when wife is pregnant! Terror is
when girlfriend is pregnant! Horror is when
both are pregnant! Tragedy is when you are
not responsible for both!
•The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of
sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the
female. And you always wondered why the
sea tasted salty?
•Why is it that a girl looks down when you
say I love you? To see if you really mean it!
•Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because
no matter how well you do it today,
tomorrow you have to do it again.
•Wives are funny creatures. They don't have
sex with their husbands for weeks and then
they want to kill the woman who does.
•Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-
Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific
sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens
once in 4 years.
•The stock markets now are like an old man's
dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is
that everyone is still getting screwed!
•This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread
the slogan ....... "We stare because we care!"
•The saddest part of a man's body is his
balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to
"Hang Till Death!"
•A loud scream comes from the bedroom and
the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping
out of the window. Wife yells: That guy just
screwed me twice! Husband: Twice? Why
didn't you call me in after he screwed you
once? Wife: Because I thought it was you,
until he started the second time.
•What is the difference between a chicken
and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting
hen while the baby is the result of standing
cock.
•If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you
get? Tit-Bits. And if it bursts in a man's
underwear? Banana split.
•What's the difference between a bomb & a
condom? In a bomb blast, population
decreases BUT in a condom blast, population
increases...
say I love you? To see if you really mean it!
•Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because
no matter how well you do it today,
tomorrow you have to do it again.
•Wives are funny creatures. They don't have
sex with their husbands for weeks and then
they want to kill the woman who does.
•Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-
Olympic sex. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific
sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens
once in 4 years.
•The stock markets now are like an old man's
dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is
that everyone is still getting screwed!
•This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread
the slogan ....... "We stare because we care!"
•The saddest part of a man's body is his
balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to
"Hang Till Death!"
•A loud scream comes from the bedroom and
the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping
out of the window. Wife yells: That guy just
screwed me twice! Husband: Twice? Why
didn't you call me in after he screwed you
once? Wife: Because I thought it was you,
until he started the second time.
•What is the difference between a chicken
and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting
hen while the baby is the result of standing
cock.
•If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you
get? Tit-Bits. And if it bursts in a man's
underwear? Banana split.
•What's the difference between a bomb & a
condom? In a bomb blast, population
decreases BUT in a condom blast, population
increases...
Santa being intrviewd at UK Embasy
CONSULATE: ur name please?
Santa: Santa
CONSL: Sex?
Santa: Ten times a day.
CONSL: I mean male or female.
Santa: Both male/female & sometimes
Camels.
CONSUL: You seem Ugly.
Santa:Yes Ugly & Pichli both sides.
CONSULATE: ur name please?
Santa: Santa
CONSL: Sex?
Santa: Ten times a day.
CONSL: I mean male or female.
Santa: Both male/female & sometimes
Camels.
CONSUL: You seem Ugly.
Santa:Yes Ugly & Pichli both sides.
CONSL: Freaky Ass!
Santa: Yes sometimes free ki ass somtimes
have to pay.
CONSL: Man you are hostile?
Santa: Horse style, dog style any style.
Consl: Ohhh dear!
Santa: Deer?
No deer they run very fast.
Santa: Yes sometimes free ki ass somtimes
have to pay.
CONSL: Man you are hostile?
Santa: Horse style, dog style any style.
Consl: Ohhh dear!
Santa: Deer?
No deer they run very fast.
Do Read This Masterpiece Guys...
.
.
A farmer buys a young Cock.
As soon as it comes to farmhouse, rushes &
fucks all the 150 Hens.
Farmer is impressed.
At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets worried now.
Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks,
.
.
A farmer buys a young Cock.
As soon as it comes to farmhouse, rushes &
fucks all the 150 Hens.
Farmer is impressed.
At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets worried now.
Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks,
Goose & Parrots too.
Later, he finds Cock lying Pale, half-dead &
Vultures circling over it's head.
Farmer says: horny bastard,u deserve this !
The Cock opens 1 eye, points up &
says: Sshhh! Don't shout, let them land .. =))
=D :D :) =)) =D:D :)
Later, he finds Cock lying Pale, half-dead &
Vultures circling over it's head.
Farmer says: horny bastard,u deserve this !
The Cock opens 1 eye, points up &
says: Sshhh! Don't shout, let them land .. =))
=D :D :) =)) =D:D :)
Fat man saw an ad: "lose 5kg in a week" in a
newsppr. He calls the company & lady says
be ready tmrw at 6am.
The next morning he opens the door & finds
a hot babe with just shoes,undergarments &
shirt saying "u catch me u fuck me!" & the
girl starts running. He starts running but
doesn't catch her. During the whole week he
tried to catch her but couldn't. However he
loses 5 kg. He then asks for th
newsppr. He calls the company & lady says
be ready tmrw at 6am.
The next morning he opens the door & finds
a hot babe with just shoes,undergarments &
shirt saying "u catch me u fuck me!" & the
girl starts running. He starts running but
doesn't catch her. During the whole week he
tried to catch her but couldn't. However he
loses 5 kg. He then asks for th
e 10kg
program.Next morning at 6 he opens the
door and sees an even hotter babe in
shoes,thong & a shirt saying "u catch me u
fuck me". He loses 10 kg that week. So he
thought this program is awesome! Lets try
the 25 kg! So he asked for the 25 kg but the
lady said "R u sure? its really tough". he said
"YES!"
Next day at 6 he opens the door, he finds a
negro gay in just underwear saying
"If I catch u, I will fuck u..!
program.Next morning at 6 he opens the
door and sees an even hotter babe in
shoes,thong & a shirt saying "u catch me u
fuck me". He loses 10 kg that week. So he
thought this program is awesome! Lets try
the 25 kg! So he asked for the 25 kg but the
lady said "R u sure? its really tough". he said
"YES!"
Next day at 6 he opens the door, he finds a
negro gay in just underwear saying
"If I catch u, I will fuck u..!
A sindhi comes up to the Pakistan border on
his bike. He’s got two large bags over his
shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s
in the bags?’
‘Sand,’ answered the sindhi.
Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off
the bike.’
Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them
apart, he empties them out and finds nothing
his bike. He’s got two large bags over his
shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s
in the bags?’
‘Sand,’ answered the sindhi.
Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off
the bike.’
Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them
apart, he empties them out and finds nothing
in them but sand. He detains the sindhi all
night and has the sand analyzed, only to
discover that there is nothing but pure sand
in the bags. Iqbal releases the sindhi, puts
the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the
sindhis shoulders, and lets him cross the
border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal
asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the
sindhi.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and
discovers that the bags contain nothing but
sand. He gives the sand back to the sindhi,
and crosses the border on his bike. This
sequence of events is repeated every day for
three years.
Finally, the sindhi doesn’t show up one day
and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’
in Islamabad .
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are
smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy.
It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. It will just
be between you and me, can you let me
know what are you smuggling?’
The sindhi, sips his Lassi and says, “Bikes" :D
night and has the sand analyzed, only to
discover that there is nothing but pure sand
in the bags. Iqbal releases the sindhi, puts
the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the
sindhis shoulders, and lets him cross the
border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal
asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the
sindhi.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and
discovers that the bags contain nothing but
sand. He gives the sand back to the sindhi,
and crosses the border on his bike. This
sequence of events is repeated every day for
three years.
Finally, the sindhi doesn’t show up one day
and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’
in Islamabad .
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are
smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy.
It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. It will just
be between you and me, can you let me
know what are you smuggling?’
The sindhi, sips his Lassi and says, “Bikes" :D
Jignesh "My elbow really hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor."?
His friend "Don't be so desi. There's
computer at the drug store that can diagnose
anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell
you what you can do about it. It only costs
$10.00."???
Jignesh figured he had nothing to lose, so he
should see a doctor."?
His friend "Don't be so desi. There's
computer at the drug store that can diagnose
anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell
you what you can do about it. It only costs
$10.00."???
Jignesh figured he had nothing to lose, so he
filled a jar with a urine sample and went to
the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and
various lights started flashing. After a brief
pause, out popped a small slip of paper
which read?? You have tennis elbow. Soak
your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this
new technology was and how it would change
medical science forever, Jignesh began to
wonder if this could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples from
his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the
computer, poured in the sample and
deposited the $10.00.? The machine again
made the usual noises, flashed lights, and
printed out the following analysis:???
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water
softener.?
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with
anti-fungal shampoo.?
3. Your daughter is getting' screwed by three
guys at the same time and has urinary
infection. Put her on Antibiotic and keep a
track of her outings.
4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twins. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And Bastard, If you don't stop
masturbating, your elbow will never get
better! =)) =D =)) =D
the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and
various lights started flashing. After a brief
pause, out popped a small slip of paper
which read?? You have tennis elbow. Soak
your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this
new technology was and how it would change
medical science forever, Jignesh began to
wonder if this could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples from
his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the
computer, poured in the sample and
deposited the $10.00.? The machine again
made the usual noises, flashed lights, and
printed out the following analysis:???
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water
softener.?
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with
anti-fungal shampoo.?
3. Your daughter is getting' screwed by three
guys at the same time and has urinary
infection. Put her on Antibiotic and keep a
track of her outings.
4. Your wife is pregnant . . . twins. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And Bastard, If you don't stop
masturbating, your elbow will never get
better! =)) =D =)) =D
Manmohan Singh, Asif Ali Zardari, Hillary
Clinton and Sonia Gandhi are traveling in a
train from Paris to London to watch the
Olympics.
The train goes through a tunnel and it gets
completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a
slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
Manmohan and Sonia are sitting there
Clinton and Sonia Gandhi are traveling in a
train from Paris to London to watch the
Olympics.
The train goes through a tunnel and it gets
completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a
slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
Manmohan and Sonia are sitting there
looking perplexed.
Zardari is bending over holding his face,
which is red from an apparent slap. All of
them remain diplomatic and nobody says
anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Pakistanis are all crazy after girls. He
must have kissed Hillary in the tunnel. Very
proper that she slapped him.
Hillary is thinking:
Zardari must have tried to kiss me but kissed
Sonia instead and got slapped.
Zardari is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have kissed Hillary
or Sonia. She might have thought it was me
and slapped me.
Now guess what the Manmohan is thinking??
.
.
.
"If this train goes through another tunnel I
will make another kissing sound and slap
that bastard again"
Zardari is bending over holding his face,
which is red from an apparent slap. All of
them remain diplomatic and nobody says
anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Pakistanis are all crazy after girls. He
must have kissed Hillary in the tunnel. Very
proper that she slapped him.
Hillary is thinking:
Zardari must have tried to kiss me but kissed
Sonia instead and got slapped.
Zardari is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have kissed Hillary
or Sonia. She might have thought it was me
and slapped me.
Now guess what the Manmohan is thinking??
.
.
.
"If this train goes through another tunnel I
will make another kissing sound and slap
that bastard again"
BEWARE ADULT HUMOR
Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has
been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to
look for money and guns and finds a young
couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to
a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he
gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets
up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in
Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has
been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to
look for money and guns and finds a young
couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to
a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he
gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets
up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in
there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at
his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in
jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw
how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex,
don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he
tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he
nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be
strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't
kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my
ear. He told me he was gay, thought you
were cute, and asked me if we had any
vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at
his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in
jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw
how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex,
don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he
tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he
nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be
strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't
kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my
ear. He told me he was gay, thought you
were cute, and asked me if we had any
vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
A girl realised that she had grown hair
between her legs.
She got worried n asked mom about that
hair.
Mom said- "dt part where hairs grow is called
Monkey,
b proud dt ur monkey have grown hair".
d girl smiled.
At dinner, she told sister-
"my monkey have grown hair"
between her legs.
She got worried n asked mom about that
hair.
Mom said- "dt part where hairs grow is called
Monkey,
b proud dt ur monkey have grown hair".
d girl smiled.
At dinner, she told sister-
"my monkey have grown hair"
Her sister smiled n said- "that's nothing,
mine is already eating bananas"..=)) =)) =))
=))
mine is already eating bananas"..=)) =)) =))
=))
Bob hunted a small brown bear & then got a
tap on his shoulder & saw a big black bear..
Big Black bear said: 'you killed my cousin so
now either have sex with me or die...!!'
So bob was fucked by the bear..
After recovering from wounds of getting
fucked, bob came for revenge & killed the big
tap on his shoulder & saw a big black bear..
Big Black bear said: 'you killed my cousin so
now either have sex with me or die...!!'
So bob was fucked by the bear..
After recovering from wounds of getting
fucked, bob came for revenge & killed the big
black bear..
Again a tap on his shoulder & this time a
huge grizzly bear who gave bob the same two
options...
So bob got fucked again, this time by
grizzly..!!
After recovering from the wounds bob
returned for the second time to take revenge
& with joy of revenge killed the grizzly bear
but there was a tap on his shoulder again..
Its a huge polar bear this time around..
the Polar bear said..
'Admit it bob.. You don't come here for the
hunting, do u?=)) :p X_X =D
Again a tap on his shoulder & this time a
huge grizzly bear who gave bob the same two
options...
So bob got fucked again, this time by
grizzly..!!
After recovering from the wounds bob
returned for the second time to take revenge
& with joy of revenge killed the grizzly bear
but there was a tap on his shoulder again..
Its a huge polar bear this time around..
the Polar bear said..
'Admit it bob.. You don't come here for the
hunting, do u?=)) :p X_X =D
At Dinner Little Jhonny Was Ordered To Lead
In Prayer.
Little Jhonny: “But I Dont Know How To
Pray?”
Dad: “Just Pray For Your Family Members,
Friends And Neighbours, The Poor, Etc”
Little Jhonny Started The Prayer:
Dear Lord, Thank You For Our Visitors And
Their Children, Who Finished All My Cookies
And Ice Cream. Bless Them So They Wont
In Prayer.
Little Jhonny: “But I Dont Know How To
Pray?”
Dad: “Just Pray For Your Family Members,
Friends And Neighbours, The Poor, Etc”
Little Jhonny Started The Prayer:
Dear Lord, Thank You For Our Visitors And
Their Children, Who Finished All My Cookies
And Ice Cream. Bless Them So They Wont
Come Again.
Forgive Our Neighbor’s Son, Who Removed
My Sister’s Clothes And Wrestled With Her On
Her Bed.
This Coming Christmas, Please Send Clothes
To All Those Poor Naked Ladies On My
Daddy’s Iphone
And Provide Shelter For The Homeless Men
Who Use Mom’s Room When Daddy Is At
Work.
Amen
Dinner Was Cancelled...!!
Forgive Our Neighbor’s Son, Who Removed
My Sister’s Clothes And Wrestled With Her On
Her Bed.
This Coming Christmas, Please Send Clothes
To All Those Poor Naked Ladies On My
Daddy’s Iphone
And Provide Shelter For The Homeless Men
Who Use Mom’s Room When Daddy Is At
Work.
Amen
Dinner Was Cancelled...!!
Blind man in a Hotel..
Manager- Menu Sir?
Man- I'm blind, just bring me ur kitchen
spoon.
I'll Smell it & order.
Manager got a spoon.
Blind Smelt & said "Yes, I'll have lamb with
season Potatoes.
"Unbelievable !" said the manager.
Every week he came & was correct each time.
Manager- Menu Sir?
Man- I'm blind, just bring me ur kitchen
spoon.
I'll Smell it & order.
Manager got a spoon.
Blind Smelt & said "Yes, I'll have lamb with
season Potatoes.
"Unbelievable !" said the manager.
Every week he came & was correct each time.
Once manager wanted to trick him.
He went to the kitchen and told his wife
Maria "Rub this spoon in ur PUSSY"
Blind man smelt & said,
"Oh ! My classmate Maria also works here !"
He went to the kitchen and told his wife
Maria "Rub this spoon in ur PUSSY"
Blind man smelt & said,
"Oh ! My classmate Maria also works here !"
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have
one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle
registration papers please.
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have
one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle
registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the
owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in
the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs
away to his car, and calls for back up. Within
minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his
half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your
vehicle
please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you
have stolen this car and murdered the
owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the
trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing
nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration
papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you
do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls
out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my
officers told me you didn't have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I
was speeding too.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the
owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in
the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs
away to his car, and calls for back up. Within
minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his
half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your
vehicle
please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you
have stolen this car and murdered the
owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the
trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing
nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration
papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you
do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls
out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my
officers told me you didn't have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I
was speeding too.
Corporate Fact-
When Human Body was first made, All Parts
Wanted to be the Boss.
Brain said- I'm Boss, coz I decide.
Feet said us and
So did the
Heart
Lungs,
Hands &
Eyes.....
When Human Body was first made, All Parts
Wanted to be the Boss.
Brain said- I'm Boss, coz I decide.
Feet said us and
So did the
Heart
Lungs,
Hands &
Eyes.....
Finally Asshole said
I should be the Boss.
All parts started laughing.
So Asshole went on Strike,
Blocked itself and refused to open.
In a short time,
Hands Cranked,
Eyes Blurred,
Ears Emitted Hot Air,
Brain Got Heavy,
Heart and Lungs Panicked...
So they all agreed that
Asshole should be the BOSS !
Moral:
It doesn't matter how talented you are...
Any Asshole can be your Boss!!
I should be the Boss.
All parts started laughing.
So Asshole went on Strike,
Blocked itself and refused to open.
In a short time,
Hands Cranked,
Eyes Blurred,
Ears Emitted Hot Air,
Brain Got Heavy,
Heart and Lungs Panicked...
So they all agreed that
Asshole should be the BOSS !
Moral:
It doesn't matter how talented you are...
Any Asshole can be your Boss!!
Posting this MASTERPIECE for all those
reading for the first time....
Rest please ignore:
.
.
If you farted consistently for 6 years & 9
months, enough gas is produced to create
the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure
reading for the first time....
Rest please ignore:
.
.
If you farted consistently for 6 years & 9
months, enough gas is produced to create
the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure
when it pumps out to the body to squirt
blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its
head before it starves to death.(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.):D
Banging your head against a wall looses 150
calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)8-|
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a
football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)=-?
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a
pond?>:/ )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next
life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)8-|
The strongest muscle in the body is the
tongue.(Hmmmmmm..)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine
years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the
difference?)/:)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot
jump.(Still want 2 b the pig)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that
out?)*nerd*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I
know some people like that)
Starfish have no brains(I know some people
like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch,
they'll live a lot longer)
Humans & dolphins are the only species that
have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
You've smiled at least once, so spread these
crazy facts & send to someone you want to
smile....
lucky pigs!!!!!
blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its
head before it starves to death.(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.):D
Banging your head against a wall looses 150
calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)8-|
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a
football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)=-?
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a
pond?>:/ )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next
life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)8-|
The strongest muscle in the body is the
tongue.(Hmmmmmm..)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine
years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the
difference?)/:)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot
jump.(Still want 2 b the pig)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that
out?)*nerd*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I
know some people like that)
Starfish have no brains(I know some people
like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch,
they'll live a lot longer)
Humans & dolphins are the only species that
have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
You've smiled at least once, so spread these
crazy facts & send to someone you want to
smile....
lucky pigs!!!!!
Whose Son is Better???
4 friends meet 30 years after school. One
goes to the toilet, while the other 3 start to
talk about how successful their sons became.
No 1 says his son studied economics,
became a banker and is so rich he gave his
best friend a ferrari.
No 2 said his son became a pilot, started his
own airline, became so rich he gave his best
friend a jet.
No 3 said his son became an engineer,
goes to the toilet, while the other 3 start to
talk about how successful their sons became.
No 1 says his son studied economics,
became a banker and is so rich he gave his
best friend a ferrari.
No 2 said his son became a pilot, started his
own airline, became so rich he gave his best
friend a jet.
No 3 said his son became an engineer,
started his own development company,
became so rich he build his best friend a
castle.
No 4 came back from toilet and asks what
the buzz is about. They told him they were
talking about how successful their sons
became and ask him about his son.
He said his son is gay and is a stripper at a
gay bar. Other 3 said he must be very
disappointed with his son for not becoming
successful.
O no said the father, he is doing good. Last
week was his birthday and he got a ferrari, a
jet and a castle from 3 of his
boyfriends.=)) :p
became so rich he build his best friend a
castle.
No 4 came back from toilet and asks what
the buzz is about. They told him they were
talking about how successful their sons
became and ask him about his son.
He said his son is gay and is a stripper at a
gay bar. Other 3 said he must be very
disappointed with his son for not becoming
successful.
O no said the father, he is doing good. Last
week was his birthday and he got a ferrari, a
jet and a castle from 3 of his
boyfriends.=)) :p
World Economic Outlook
World Economic Outlook :
One day a tourist comes to the only hotel in
a debt ridden town. Lays a $100 note on the
table & goes to inspect the rooms.
Hotel owner takes the note & rushes to pay
his debt to the butcher.
Butcher runs to pay the pig farmer. Pig
farmer runs to pay the feed supplier.
Supplier runs to pay the prostitute, who in
these hard times gave her services on credit.
One day a tourist comes to the only hotel in
a debt ridden town. Lays a $100 note on the
table & goes to inspect the rooms.
Hotel owner takes the note & rushes to pay
his debt to the butcher.
Butcher runs to pay the pig farmer. Pig
farmer runs to pay the feed supplier.
Supplier runs to pay the prostitute, who in
these hard times gave her services on credit.
Hooker then runs to pay off her debt to the
hotel owner for the rooms she rented for her
clients.
Hotel owner then lays the $100 note back on
the counter.
The tourist comes down, takes his money &
leaves as he did not like the rooms.
No one earned anything. But the town is now
without debt & looks to the future with a lot
of optimism.
And that is how the world is doing business
today... :)
hotel owner for the rooms she rented for her
clients.
Hotel owner then lays the $100 note back on
the counter.
The tourist comes down, takes his money &
leaves as he did not like the rooms.
No one earned anything. But the town is now
without debt & looks to the future with a lot
of optimism.
And that is how the world is doing business
today... :)
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